My freaking journal

why life is so unfair

Just a little warning for those whose quite sensitive with suicidal stuff and other sensitive subject,please just skip this part

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My whole intire life is been so depressing actually, I've never felt so deep down the ocean that I couldn't barely breath from every single slowly fading away from me.

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I never thought theres going to be bad things going to happen, I was too young back then not to understand any situations.

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There's this just one day before, it's been like years back then when I got hurt at middle school. I never got to stand up for myself or tell anyone except for my cousin that I'm hurt, I never told my parents I get bullied often since I started to have trust issues because the abused me, then I got into depression and I became suicidal.

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My cousin is the only one who understands me and my grandma as well. My life has just been so horrible since the day I lost my cousin when I was 13.

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I never imagined that I would loose her. I could never imagine that should be gone, I know shouldn't blame myself for her death but, I couldn't help it. I would cry every night to sleep blaming myself on why she died..

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If it wasn't for me being clumsy and I just let my project get broken.. She couldn't got hit by a car, I'm still upset with myself til to this day. Even though my friends tell me it isn't my fault.

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My grandma took me away from my parents. So I would be away from my parents harm, eventhoigh I live with my grandma now my parents are driving me insane ,they mad emerald so paranoid that I couldn't even sleep.

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Like one week ago I ran away because I can't take it anymore. I packed all the pills and some clothes, a noose and left my grandmas house to go off to our older house.

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I've been there for one week starving myself and just slowly overdosing myself. I already hanged up my noise just waiting for the right day to come and go hang myself ..

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I was a crying mess on the eight day. I was so dizzy and hungry and I started blamed myself for not being strong enough and for everything that happened, I was about to hang myself but I heard the door open and my friend called out my name, I was just pretty much crying and my friend walked over to me and hugged me. She was looking for me and my grandma as well.

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I'm pretty much now stuck in therapy due to depression. It kinda sucks but it can help me to go through my depression.. I guess