Burnt to Ashes (Phan)

Chapter 1

-Dan-

The normally beautiful blue sky was darkened to a dark shade of grey, almost as if a premonition for how my day was going to be, but then again it would be raining every day if that were the case. My shoes squeaked against the cracked pavement as rain began to fall, dusting the street with small pellets that soon turned into a flood of raindrops. My hood, pulled over my head, did nothing to protect the cold from seeping into my jacket. It was fine though, I didn't mind the rain. It was calming actually. Thousands upon thousands of raindrops to remind me that I wasn't alone in this world. Nature was enthralling like that. It didnt care who you were or what you had, everyone got the same downpour as I was getting now.

Completely drenched and not ready to face another day, I had arrived to none other than my own personal hell. Bright colored umbrellas  were shielding students from the rain. They looked almost lit up, like beacons in the black void that was this place. I took my eyes off of them so that I could avoid the teenagers chatting excitedly under the overhang. I pushed the door to the school open, dripping water on the cheap rugs at the entrance that I couldn't be bothered to give a second thought to. I had been going to this school for the past 3 years. Three antagonizing years of the same day, just different content and new teachers who only seem to make me feel like even more of a disappointment than I already did. It was torture. The same routine, the same god awful people, and I wanted nothing more than to set this place on fire and watch all of their fake smiles melt off their faces. School sucks.

My head was lowered and my eyes trailing the dirty tile floor tracing patterns that weren't there. I wanted to be someone who could fade into the background, walk to class without a glance in my direction, but my height prevented me from doing that. There was always something about me that someone could say stood out. That's not a good thing here, different is bad. Different is why I'm forced to live everyday with skin that's a canvas of blacks and blues, but different's all I have. No matter how much you wish something away, it'll still be there.

My eyes snapped up as I read the numbers on the door. 209, I had made it almost halfway to my first class. Maybe today no one would bother me. I felt a hand tightly grip my shoulder. I sucked in a breath. Fuck spoke too soon. I didn't dare turn around as the hand lightly shoved me forward, leading me to one of the more unused hallways as hateful things were spat at me, probably with a smile on their faces.

"Emo."
"fag."
"freak."

Common insults that I'd gotten used to over the years. A few hits on my already bruised stomach. They weren't my main bullies so I didn't have to endure much from them. After they had their fun they left me alone, well not alone. I only said that less people used this hallway than the other ones, not that it was abandoned. Might as well be though. The few people walking down the halls didn't give a crap about me. I didn't blame them, I mean honestly who would. I drug my quivering body up using the lockers as support as I made my way to my first block class.

"Daniel Howell, this is the 3rd time this week you've been late to my class. Maybe if you actually participated in the class you wouldn't be failing it!"

Of course I would be the one to get called out in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry it won't happen again." I mumbled out my face blushing red in embarrassment.

I could feel the classes stares and hushed whispers. They were all talking about me, about how much of a freak I was. That it was my fault for provoking the people to pick on me. I took in a jagged breath and forced myself to my seat in the back of the room. At least here they'd have to turn around to face me.
Sitting there I tried to convince myself that as long as no one's looking at me, they aren't talking about me.

The rest of the day went fine- well as fine as a day at school can go. Soon as any other day the final bell rang and it was time for me to go to another kind of hell, but the much worse kind talked about in hushed whispers and horrified glances. It was this time of day where I ended up at the park. I know it's clique, but it's the only place I can go. No matter what the park's always open, and never full. It's my only relief. Also it's very close, which is good for someone who hates exercise as much as me.

I scrunched my nose up at the mud collecting on my shoes before deciding it didn't matter much. I walked through the wet grass on a memorized route towards a bench I usually sit on. The park always had a few people in it, so it wasn't a surprise when I saw someone on my bench. It was who was on my bench that surprised me. None other than Phil Lester. Now, I had never actually talked to him, but when you're as alone as me you overhear things. More specifically rumors about the most "popular, kind, and hot" guy in school. I don't believe rumors because i'm in a lot of them, but I do believe Phil is actually a good person. He's never done anything to prove my theory wrong, and i'm trying to be optimistic for once.

I realized I was staring, but before I could avert my eyes his met with mine. Blue, green, yellow. The colors were thrown together to make more beautiful art then I could ever create. They were so bright, full of life. I ducked my head and bit my lip on reflex. I hoped he hadn't gotten a good look at mine. They were just a dull brown like my hair. Nothing about me was special like everything about him was. I started to walk away knowing he didn't want me here when I heard his voice call out to me.

"Wait! Can you help me real quick?"

I turned my gaze back to his as he stood up almost tripping over a loose board on the bench. He made his way over to me as I stayed frozen in the spot. Why is someone like him talking to me?

"I lost my phone, but i'm pretty sure it's somewhere near this bench. Can I borrow your phone to call it please?" He asked sounding desperate.

I mean I had no reason to say no to him.

"Ya s-sure." I stuttered out.

I fumbled in my still slightly damp backpack until I pulled out my phone passing it to him. His fingers danced across my screen as he dialed his number. A song started playing off to the left and Phil followed it until he finally held up his phone in victory.

"Thank you so much you're a life saver!" Phil said seeming to radiate joy as he handed my phone back to me.

"It's no problem, uh that was knights of cydonia right?" I asked.

I dont know how it was possible, but he seemed to get even happier.

"You listen to Muse!" He exclaimed.

"Ya they're one of my favorite bands." I replied.

Phil gushed about Muse for a little bit before his phone dinged.

"It's almost five I really need to get home." Phil said his mood seeming to darken a little. "Oh i'm Phil by the way. I just realized I never introduced myself."

"Ya, I know."

That sounded really stalkerish.

"W-we go to the same school." I quickly added.

"I'm Dan."

He reached out his hand and I shook it. His smile didnt leave his face as he turned and walked away from me sending me a little wave before he was completely gone. I would probably regret helping him, everything I do always leads to something bad.

I turned and started to make my way to my house feeling a familiar burn inside my chest.