An Anthology of Emotion

heartbreak

love.
that unrelenting feeling of devotion to another being
that aching back-breaking ground-shaking
feeling
no state of being
that threatens to destroy life as you know it and build it back up
over and over I surrender myself to the notion that maybe
just maybe
this time will be different
i won't find myself voluntarily stuck in a tsunami of toxicity
surfing the waves of loneliness
trying desperately to stay atop the board of affection i have built
with all of your lingering touches
your sweet nothings
into this board i have sewn
the tapestry of us
and the love that was supposed to last
but how can it
between your need to be in control of two situations that are so similar and yet so opposite
and my indifference to any feelings other than my own
boy, the love we have built is defective
the love we made excited me
stoked the fire in me
brought out a different side of me that i had never known
but your love
oh your love
it destroyed me while softly caressing me
it whispered those oh so sweet nothings
and created an impression of invincibility
but when put to the test
it seemed your love hadn't studied enough
because if it had then maybe it would've seen
you would've seen
that my love is the strongest medicine and the worst drug
or maybe you did see
maybe that was why you fought so hard to keep me around
i was just as drunk as you were high
both of us out of it
slurred speech and blurred lines
struggling to form a sentence but having a conversation with our eyes

our love was magnificent
it was my protector
it guarded me from the loneliness that lurked in the dark corners of my room
and made me feel divine
in our love i knew that I was a goddess
i was radiant and my power flowed through every fiber of my being
so much so you felt it just from being close to me
our love was a light that could bring out the joy on even the darkest days
and it burned a path of destruction

our love was devastating
it destroyed me and god knows what it did to you
it seeped into every curve
filled every void scattered on the landscape of my skin
created a map that only you and i could find the treasure to
it caressed my insecurities
and stroked the most wicked parts of me
the love between us two was the hands that pushed me down and held me as i cried
i risked everything for your love
buy in the end it became obvious my love wasn't right for you

her love is soft and delicate
her kisses are the butterfly wings brushing against your lips
her declarations of love the daisies that sway in the spring breeze
her past left a bitter taste that you kiss away oh so sweetly
you tread lightly for fear of hurting her
i wish jealousy was the word to describe how i felt
because my love
is nothing if not all encompassing
in that it brings a smile to my face to see you put one on hers
i know that you have the ability to be good to her
i also know that you would never be able to do that if i was there
because my love to you
is what the finest wine is to an alcoholic
temptation presents itself in so many forms and for us
it was our love
so i'm letting you go
for you
for me
for a love that raged and threatened to destroy the both of us and everything we held dear
for the fact that before you could even say that you would never choose between her love and mine
you already had
for you choosing her over and over while twisting the hooks you still had deep in me
and i know you never meant to cause me pain
we both knew you couldn't have your cake and eat it too
but leave it to you to try and cut a slice anyway
the bridges were already crossed before we could get to them
and even though i knew
we knew
that what we were doing was wrong
we did it anyway because
that's just what our love was