My Dad Worked With Satan

So.. I Work With Satan

Okay, so, I've read a lot of books and heard a lot of stories in my life. Many of them had a part where a character says something along the lines of, "I don't know how to tell you this, " or, "This is hard to explain." I say that's bullshit. Because I'm about to tell you, or myself, I'm not sure who I'm really talking to here in all honesty. It could be my old self in 50 years or some random homeless guy who found this thing in a trashcan next to a burger joint. Maybe even a space man on their way to Mars, now that would be cool! Anyways, I'm getting to distracted right now so, I'll just come out and say it. I, Jared Shallow, work with Satan. The actual Satan.

Probably not in the traditional way you're thinking of. I don't command demons or help torture the souls damned for eternity, nothing like that. Well, there was this one time where he gave me a servent who was a demon, but that didn't last long. I really don't remember what happened to him, or was it a her? Anyways, they went missing a few days later. I had asked them to go pick up a package sent to me from the post office since they called and said I had one which I thought was weird since I have no idea who would send me things. That was like a year ago and I never got that package. It bummed me out that I never got to see what it was. The servent didn't return so my best guess is they ran off with it. Satan didn't seem to happy when I told him they didn't come back. He said he would check it out but I don't think he ever did. I'll have to ask him about it later for sure, maybe he stole the package from them and is hiding it from me. Must've been something cool in it..

I've been working here for five years now, or I think it's been five years? Honestly, with all the stuff that happens around here it's kind of hard to tell sometimes. Especially, on the holidays. The last thing I remember before I got the job was that my girlfriend had vanished after our fifth date. We dated for a few months and I felt like we had something going... After that night I woke up and she was gone. She didn't leave a letter or anything, I tried calling her and her parents but couldn't reach her. I was heartbroken.. Until I was approached by a man in a donut shop across the street from where I currently work. I'll admit, his red eyes and shaggy black hair made him look like your typical edgy anime protagonist, or the president of the high-school's emo group. He got it cut after a while which made him look like he was less likely to take rebel against the world, which was a good thing. When I met him in that place of glazed goodness, he offered me a job right on the spot. No, "hello, how are you?" saying, it was a blunt, "Listen kid, I need a new worker, pays well and it's an easy job. You want it?" That was an offer my 19 year old jobless self couldn't pass up so I responded with an enthusiastic, "Fuck yeah!" If my parents were still alive to hear me give the yes on that offer, they would've slapped me so hard they doctors wouldn't know if I was hit by a train or ran into a brick wall at light speed. Once for the agreement, then twice for practically yelling, "Fuck Yeah" in public. They never liked cursing much or shady things, anything that sounded shady, or anyone that looked shady. Anything dealing with the word "shady" they treated it like it was the Devil. Ironically, this shady offer happened to be from the Devil himself. I didn't know that until I went into work the next day around 9pm and it so happens to be at the the all purpose store across the street from the donut shop. I could walk to work from where I lived, which was an enormous win on my part. After that day it started to get harder and harder to remember things that happened. Many years have passed since then and I felt my job as the the only other cashier was going to kill me one day. So, one of the late night stockers told me I should start a journal of some sorts to pass the time, so that's what I'm doing. Thanks Clara, now I have something to do other than counting how many tigers appear in the store every month. Maybe in another five years I can know it's been fives since I wrote it, instead of wondering where the hell the milk cartons ran off to this time.

I have to go now, a.... Thing just walked into the store, I don't have enough time to describe it in detail but I will for sure when I have time to write again. It just picked up a box of marconi, maybe it likes macaroni? Wait, it just threw it down the isle. Guess not. That's a $1.75 I'm adding to the charge.. Satan's always getting a little pissy when customers don't pay for things or damage store goods and property. So I try and do my job so that I can keep it. It's not like anywhere else I applied to let me score and interview. This one didn't even need one which was awesome. Anyways, I'll leave a note here to myself that I will continue writing later.