BECAUSE IT'S YOU

Thirst

****WARNING: adult content

Why are you here, Knock? Stop pestering me, you bonehead!

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My chest was about to explode. I couldn't bear it any more--that darn aching desire to have you.

The morning was crammed, scene after scene with Farm, Fai, Yihwa, and Cho. You did not speak to me besides the lines on-set, occasionally looked at me, then calmly diverted your eyes. So of course I was terrified when you reached for my wrist in the break room. My body jolted. Lying besides you in bed, even in front of Farm and Fai, I couldn't concentrate on the song. I tried to keep my eyes down, de-flustering from the contact you initiated minutes earlier. You seemed so carefree, which bugged me so freaking much, Knock!

I was worried shitless about the kiss scene. Accidentally pumped into you on my way to the restroom but I couldn't even make eye contact. I locked myself in a stall, heedlessly pacing the narrow space behind the closed door. I had to get into my character, but was also afraid that my real feelings would be exposed. So I decided to avoid looking at you until my character had to. Then, it would only be read as acting.

It was both horrifying and exhilarating to be standing so close to you for the shoot. Our eyes were glued on each other. Our faces were less than a hand's length apart. I could even feel your exhaled breath. I shivered as your fingers landed on my chin, touching my lips. You looked so damn fine and inviting. I really wished I could have you.

I heard your footsteps following me to the courtyard, but I was blushing so much I couldn't face you. I needed to calm down! When you fucking invaded my space with a grip, I couldn't take it, Knock. My body quivered too much. So, I had to harshly fling your hand off. You must have felt its shudders. Wasn't that why you withdrew your hand at the second attempt? You must have walked away in revulsion. Yet! Yet! Yet!

Heaven knows that I tried so freaking hard to get through that kiss scene. Your lips were so gentle and delightful. I almost couldn't stop. It was incredible to see your happy smile, after such a long time. I would trade the world to have it in real life, outside of your character. I wished I could indulge in that kiss longer, so I could avoid the dismay and misery of realizing that I would never have you in this darn life. It saddened me so much I had to step away. For the first time in my career, I had to ask the PD to postpone a shoot, through a text message, as I ran away.

This townhouse is so empty and gloomy. It makes me feel desolated. I am aching to the bones. How can the body get so much physical pain when a mental desire is unmet? This is fucking killing me. Even alcohol can't seem to help.

I sluggishly got up to answer the door bell, didn't even bother to adjust my clothes nor turn on any lights. I must have been unconscious for hours, physically and mentally drained. It could only be khun Saii, coming to berate my lack of professionalism at the set.

I unlocked the door without checking the attached security monitor, then walked into the kitchen for some water, carelessly awaiting khun Saii's high-pitched lecture after the door latched.

"Korn!"

I startled at your voice, spilling over half of the water from my glass, jumping backward to avoid getting wet.

"Why are you here, Knock? Stop pestering me, you bonehead! What do you want from me?" I angrily set my glass on the dinning table, dashing into the living-room to push you back outside.

"Korn, please! Let's talk." I heard desperation in your voice. Coming here alone, at this late hour, it must be very serious. A chill ran over the back of my neck. How can I escape from your resentment now? I had feared this moment for months on end.