"Rant"

"Single"

The reasons I don't know how to be single.
I grew up in a generation where boys bully girls they like, where girls go home crying, and the mothers just say "boys will be boys".

You have a crush? Don't tell your best friend, because I grew up where your relationship is everyone's business.
Your first kiss will never be as romantic as others, at least not according to the popular girl in school.

I grew up in a generation where boys loose their virginity at 14 and girls must wait until marriage, girls are told to laugh at the jokes boys make about their bodies and cry at home where no one sees.
Boys, boys aren't aloud to cry, boys can't like boys, yet it's hot if a girl likes a girl.
First loves always break your heart, or at least that's what our mommas say, yet you'll see stories of young first loves making it thru years together.

The reason I've never been single; the internet wants you to post your relationship. Because loving someone is only for everyone else's pleasure, gay relationships are seen as cute and loving, pans are seen as attention whores, poly is seen as sluts and Bisexual is only meant for threesomes, trans are mentally unstable and all else between doesn't exist, according to the eyes of society.

It's seen as confident when a women presents her body, when she throws an occasional bikini pic on Instagram, and a random ass pic half naked. Although men without a shirt are considered f*** boys. Single mothers are independent and strong, but men must use condoms, and single fathers are unable to "provide for their child's needs".

Rape is considered a women's fault, we must stand with our head hide and take pride in our bodies being violated. Men being raped doesn't exist, after all who would rape a man? You'd be surprised.

I can't stay single because when I grew up, I was told you can't be happy without a man glued to your hip. Because when someone told me a guy in my class likes me, I was suppose to blush. I wasn't single because when my parents got divorced, it was the talk of the school, and I was considered the problem.

When I lost my first boyfriend, no one bothered to ask me how I feel, I walked into school everyday and pretended he didn't exist, yet his memory still crosses my mind. When I kissed my first girl and liked it, the whole school knew and I could tell by the stares, when my friends asked about my sexuality, none of them knew what it was. Today, three of them identify as the same, I guess I was a little early for the trend of bisexuality.

I would strut around the town, making my stories known because when I grew up, I didn't know what a relationship was. My mother is still looking for that one, and although I see it as strong and beautiful, others see her as a single mother who lost her chance, and when asked how's she doing, I just smile and say "thanks for asking, I'll forward the message".

Yet today I find myself on dating apps which are considered the lure for others needs. I don't know how to crush anymore, because once your out of high school, there's no such thing. Friends are hard too make because your expected to work, and learn, no time for socializing. Bars are meant for girls who are trying to get over an ex and men who are cheating on a girl, can't make friends with your therapist, they know your weakness.

In conclusion; I don't know how to be single. And I find myself here today, making jokes about becoming a crazy cat lady, telling my best friend we will get married, and drinking tea while reading posts by couples wondering why that can't be me.

You'll say "oh hunny, you'll find someone", "he'll come around", "don't give up", "I'm sure you'll meet someone", and "it takes time" but I bet you don't know how to be single either.

~ Myla-Anne Hermary