I, Cassandra

14 | CASSANDRA VALLIS

I pull on the one-piece, cut like a strapless swimsuit. The black latex wraps itself around me, snug, catching on the garish blue strip lighting shining in from the corridor. My breasts were never big, but they are much smaller now, just like the rest of me. I don't look sexy, I look bony and malnourished. Before I got sent to work at The Jackpot, Zee told me behind the barrier only the elite of the elite have human partners—GC's idea of population control. The rest have robots to attend their physical needs. For the soldiers who can't stomach sex with machines, the exclusion zone is their only option. Some of them were alright, some were even kind. One was a virgin, and came almost as soon as he was inside me. One was a total bastard. He hit me, hard, over and over while he was inside me. Carney, waiting outside got tipped off by Zee and took care of him—a knife across the throat, warm blood all over me, stinking of metal, and a dead man still inside me. I got extra rations that night. Even Zee left me alone.

Apart from Maddox, they killed them all once I was done with them. No one ever got to leave except for Maddox, a Delta Force Captain. He was valuable, and he talked, enough to keep Zee and the higher-ups happy. I had six mad, passionate months with him. And then he died and left me in this shithole, alone and aching for him, my heart silenced.

I pull on the wig, savouring the feel of its long blue tresses gracing my bare shoulders. Once, before I was captured by the UFF I had had long, dark hair, hair which hung halfway down my back in wavy lengths, but now I kept it cut close to my scalp. Not shaved, but not far off. Kept the lice at bay. There was nothing to wash hair with anyway. A memory slips free of Maddox kissing the crown of my head as we lay wrapped in each other's arms in a post-sex haze, of him telling me I'm beautiful, and meaning it. I close my eyes and force the memory away. It's over. He's gone. Tonight it starts again. I fuck a soldier for information all night and in the morning, as he leaves, Carney will kill him.

Booted footsteps approach. It's Zee, I can tell. I try not to, but I stiffen, defensive. The other girls stop talking, their murmurs hushed, reverent in the presence of the one who controls what's left of London. He takes hold of my arm and turns me around. I look up at him, hoping I look submissive enough, even though I hate him with every cell in my body.

'Got the stuff?' he asks, glancing at me then away, his eyes moving over the girls. His attention lingers on one of them. She giggles, nervous. I know he's doing it to try to make me jealous. I'm not. I never will be. I hope he fucks her fifteen ways from Sunday so he has no energy left for me.

I open my fist, a lurid green capsule nestles in my upturned palm. He looks at it, then closes his hand over mine, folding my fingers over my palm, burying the R7 capsule back out of sight.

'Same drill as before,' he says, his eyes going back to the other girl. 'Our sniffers have him on the way. He's already eaten two opiates and he's desperate to fuck. Don't waste time, get the shit into him. I want him talking right away, he's not high level like Maddox but higher than the shit we've been getting lately. We've had no useful intel for far too long. You remember what to do?'

'Twenty minutes,' I say, knowing the timing off by heart. 'From the time he finishes his drink until I can ask questions. You'll get your intel. I haven't forgotten how this goes.'

'I'll bet you haven't,' Zee says, acrid. He pulls his attention from the one behind me and runs his forefinger across the slick material encasing my chest, circling one nipple and then the other. 'This one's ugly as fuck though. A bit of a downgrade from your handsome captain. You'll be glad to have me inside you tomorrow, to get rid of the memory.'

I say nothing. What can I say? It's like he thinks I want this. His hand slides down to my waist. He pulls me closer to him. 'I'll go easy on you tomorrow,' he says, low, so no one else can hear. 'Been thinking maybe that's where I'm going wrong with you, maybe you need a gentler touch. Now kiss me, Vallis and get out there and fight the good fight.'

I kiss him, obedient, my heart encased in ice. He lets me go and I follow Sarz as she lurches on her eight-inch heels down the dim corridor towards the heavy thump of bass coming from the club. I push open the metal door and see the soldier coming in with the sniffers. I go to the bar and pick up a bottle of fake A and pour him a drink, cracking the R7 into it while he gropes Sarz who is ready and waiting to distract him. He leers at me as he takes his tainted shot from the bar. I smile into his ugly face, and let him fondle me across the sticky counter, Sarz forgotten now in pursuit of riper fruit. He tugs the top of my swimsuit down so my breasts fall out. I bite my lower lip, and smile, encouraging him. He leans forward and picks me up, lifting me over the bar to him as though I am nothing more than a doll. He settles me between his legs. I can feel his erection pressing against my belly through his trousers. His mouth is already on my breasts, and he suckles me like a starving thing, hurting me. I hang on to his shoulders, catching Zee watching us near the doors, hate burning in his eyes. I turn my face away from him, retreating into myself, reliving the memories of when Maddox was the one sitting on this stool.

The soldier's fingers are between my legs now, probing, frantic. It has happened before. I have been fucked at the bar, in front of everyone. I'm not allowed to stop it. Trust is everything. I close my eyes and retreat further into myself as he busies himself with unbuttoning his fly. The crotch of my suit is jerked aside and he is inside me, hammering into me in time with the pounding of the bass, my spine ramming hard against the bar. I bite my lip and endure the pain and humiliation, sensing Zee watching, jealous, and bitter; Sarz staggering back to her locker to get one of her precious opiates for me, and Carney, somewhere in the shadows, feeling himself, enjoying the show. From far away, I hear the soldier's grunts as he rides me, greedy, like a beast. I think of Maddox, calling down the strike, taking himself away from me forever. And deep inside, locked in silence, I watch my heart curl up and die.