Singer? (BTS x Male!Reader)

Misery loves company

(I had a nightmare that Jin died and Jungkook hated me because I was their backup dancer and I fucked up the coreo 😨😨 horrible nightmare)

Is it weird that I love being hurt? That I love when bad things happen to me? Gives me a reason to cry. An understanding of a pain that no one else can comprehend. Why do I love this? My trust is gone. I hate people. Watching them in pain can satisfy me. I'm a greedy sinful person. Each sin I have committed. I could care less about others. Yet I seek attention and love from all. All while seeking pain, harm, hate. I love it all. Pain is beautiful to me. It always has been. 

(Flashback)

"Hit me. Hurt me. Hate me. Never say you love me. Punch me, kick me, burn me I love every minute of it. Don't hurt me love me, heal me make me smile again. God these thoughts are so conflicting heart is beating no ones with me endless could of suffering and confusion love is making me tangled and clueless can I feel loved? Can I feel hated? Can I figure out what I want?~" 

(Back to present) 

Why can't I decide what I crave? Do I want a true love? Do I want hate love? Do I just want hate? 

The black abyss disappeared and I was standing outside in the wind walking through the dirt. "Jin?" I went to hand him a flower but he broke into peices and turned to ash. My eyes widen and my jaw drops and I reach out. "J-jin?" I start to run seeing the others in the distance. "Help! Someone help! Jin he-hes dead! Help why can't you hear me help!" I banged on the force feild separating us. I turned around seeing Jimin looking dead like Jin. "J-jimin?" His lifeless arm lifted and grabbed my shoulder before he blew away like dust in the wind. This happened a few more times with the other members before I heard wispering their laughs their voices their singing, rapping clouding my mind. I kept seeing them dead, their graves. I sobbed. "STOP!" I tug at my hair screaming praying for it to all be a dream.

I sat up screaming and crying, gasping for air. I felt someone grab my arm but my levels of anxiety had taken my sight and clouded my mind making me delusional. "hey! Hey shh shh!" I felt someone grab my arms and lay me back down I kicked and screamed. "HELP! MAKE IT STOP! I CANT SEE! I CANT THINK I-I feel weird! Help! Please m-make it stop! Im scared! I'm scared!" I sobbed and I heard someone run in. Kesu? "Shh I'm gonna give you your medicine it'll make you go to sleep." I shook my head. "No! No! I don't wanna go back! Jin he-he died he needs h-help he-" I was panicking delirious unable to tell reality from dream. 

"Shh he's just fine it's going to be okay you won't go back you'll be okay just let me give you a shot." I wimpered. "What's wrong with him." Jimin? I reached up and touched his face. "Your alive?! Oh my God you were dead I saw you you turned to ash!" I cried harder. "we don't know maybe PTSD? We don't know whats wrong doctor's are convinced it's just a moment of insanity he gets them sometimes but their rare. We tend to just give him some medicine to make him sleep and he wakes up later usually calmed down and normal. He refused to talk about what happened. So we usually don't bring up these moments." 

He then gave me a shot and I fell asleep again. Never to remember the moments.

When I woke up I stretched and went outside. I took a walk and came across a park were a boy was being beat up. 

You know you want the pain you know you need to protect the kid. So I did. I took the punches and I laughed through all of it. "Do it again I dare you!" I fought back but it wasnt my full potential. When I got back home BTS questioned me but I didn't answer I just sat down. 

"What happened?" Yoosun asked treating my wounds. "A fight." He sighed. "I figured as much. Y'know BTS worried about you." I nodded. "Next time tell us when you plan to leave and don't brush it off when we ask where you got a injury got it?" I nodded again. "Look you may not cut anymore but getting yourself beat up is no different!" I nodded Again. He hugged me. "Good." I hugged back he pulled away. "We all love you. I know you think I'm lying but we do." He sat down and began explaining the shit he goes through his fights his struggling his addiction. "I geuss misery loves company?" He looked at me. "If we're miserable and we love company how come we never get it?""because some people will never understand us Yoosun-Hyung." He leaned his head on my shoulder as me looked out the window. "Yeah I geuss your right." 

(Aish sorry it's so short hope you all liked!)