Part VI - Sharing the Wealth
This wasn�t the Pylos Joxer remembered.
Oh, sure, it was still a pristine seaport, with jewel-sparkly water lapping at its shores, cheery little market stalls, ruddy, healthy faces that seemed to smile �hello� to everyone and a lordly manor looking over the whole lot. And aside from the polite smiles, there was still the stuffy, uptight manner that every native seemed to bear like a coat of arms. That was the way this place was and the last time Joxer was there, he made sure not to be there for any longer than necessary.
He just didn�t remember the farting. And he was SURE he would have noticed that.
The air was heavy with methane, almost chokingly so, and Strife flicked a finger to keep his new assistant from gagging at the smell. A relieved breath surged through the warrior-cum-mischief-maker, free from anything nastier than the salty sea smell that usually accompanied harbor towns. He was grateful. He only wished Strife would block the sound, too, because the first person that passed him, a rather large and snooty looking older woman, after a terse greeting let fly with a loud, wet honk that should have teared up his eyes. Instead, it made him want to giggle like a maniac and that couldn�t be any good either.
"So, aside from listening to the *ahem* music, what am I doing here?" Joxer had to press his lips together to keep from laughing as a man and his horse passed, in many senses of the word.
"The dude in charge, this Lord Vigorous, he�s a bit of a tight-ass." Strife kept pace with him as they strode through the pungent township, the godling invisible to all but Joxer, who was trying hard to make it look like he wasn�t talking to himself. "One-a those kindsa rulers ya just wanna smack some days. He�s got half the harbor tied up with shippin� embargos an� the other half sacked with dock fees an� unloadin� taxes. It�s gettin� so a guy can�t make an honest dinar around here."
"And Ares cares about this why?"
"Unc�s had his eye on this joint for a while. He thinks it�d make a great strategic ally."
"Well, yeah, with the harbor and all I can definitely see how that would help, but why doesn�t he just�"
"Mow over it with a bunch of Spartans?" a big sheepish smile spread out on Strife�s face. "I, uh, kinda talked him outta that one. Hey. Sometimes, things need a little more finesse than just having a few rows of soldiers bust down the front gate. Besides, this town could be a great place, once Lord Puffy-Pants gets the boot. I smell a town council over the horizon. An� cobbled streets. This could be a major hub-o-commerce. Ransacking would definitely put a cramp in that. An� besides�" that grin got bigger. "Don�t tell Unc I tol� ya, but he�s kinda got a soft spot for this little hamlet. Mosta the merchants an� farmers an� plain folk are retired soldiers. An� those ain�t so easy to come by, y�know."
"So why don�t you just turn Vigorous into a pile of ashes?" Joxer almost groaned as a gaggle of women walked by, pooting up a storm. Though, it had sounded rather musical, like a muffled chorus.
"Finesse, Jox. Finesse. It�d be tons easier, but this is way more fun. By the time I�m done, they�re gonna chuck �im out like yesterday�s fish."
"So, what�s my part in this?" Joxer tried sticking his hands into the back pockets of his pants, but� Strife had done a little �creative redecorating� as he�d put it, banishing not only Joxer�s current tunic and pants, but also the slap-dash armor he�d left in that hidden temple to an eternity in a junk-pile. The helmet had gone to Cerberus, who was grateful for a circular chewtoy that all three heads could get in on, once Strife had made it big enough for all mouths involved to reach. Clothes-free, Joxer had hidden behind a tapestry until Strife could materialize these duds onto him. He probably would have requested a little more room in the pants, but as Strife said, since leather was skin, it should be worn at least that tight. Joxer could see his point, but still had to stop every once in a while to yank the seat and crotch back down. Tight was one thing. Pants set on auto-wedgie were something else entirely.
