All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I guess if I’m going to continue this account, I might as well explain my life. So my entire family could probably take out the Mafia. Not only is my father a legend in the Army, my mother was a deadly agent in the Mossad. My brother is a marine. I kick box and practice firearms training with my parents. Together, we’re like the Power Rangers on steroids.

It seems like with all this dangerous power, I could never get hurt, right? But that’s not the way it works. That dangerous power is useless if the person causing me pain is someone I love.

I met him in a cute little coffee shop a couple miles from my house. I was waiting for my macchiato in one of the cushy purple armchairs. Then my life changed when he walked up.

He asked me for my name and sat down. We talked for hours, my macchiatio long gone. He was everything I wanted, everything I wanted to be. He said all the right things at exactly the right time. He seemed perfect. The perfect blond hair, the sparkling blue eyes that I’d thought were mysterious but were really just cruel. When he asked me out, I said yes.

It was perfect. I was falling deeper and deeper into love with him. But then I started making mistakes. I’d be late to our dates; I’d get him Diet Coke instead of Coke. To anyone else it was just small things. To him, and then to me, it was worthy of punishment. And he did punish me. The bruises become uncountable, marring my skin with their ugly appearance. He was always careful, never aiming for exposed skin.

 He was like a twisted artist, painting pain on me. Painting worthlessness, self-hate, and misery in my head. The blows just rained down, nonstop. I couldn’t tell anyone. This was normal. He was only punishing me for what I’d done wrong. It was all my fault. Besides, I knew he loved me. Every time I told myself that it was the last, but it never was.

Until one day Alex came home early. I’d never seen him so angry. He ripped him off me and knocked him unconscious. He’d lifted me up like a rag doll and carried me home. We’d gone to court and won. He wasn’t allowed within a 5 mile radius of me. His name was Jesse.

 I could’ve broken him if I’d wanted to. I was stronger, trained in self defense. But instead he broke me.  I still don’t know if I’ve been put back together yet.

No guy is worth that helplessness. Not even Harry Styles. All I want is to be safe.

-*-

~Harry~

I’d never realized how much drama could happen in a bathroom. It’s crazy really. Not only did I flirt with a girl (which isn’t that crazy), I got punched, threatened, and fondled (also not crazy) in the course of a trip to the bathroom. Granted, it was the ladies’ restroom. No wonder. Girls are insane.

The girl I’d met wasn’t hot or even insanely pretty. She was more average, not someone I’d normally pick out of a crowd. But she had been singing loudly while standing on a toilet seat. It’s kind of hard to overlook that.

There was just something about her that confused me. Her answer when I’d asked about her knowledge of bruises was less than satisfactory. But it’s not like I’ll ever see her again. Maybe she knew about bruises because she has powerful ties to a crime syndicate. Maybe she’s like a character in the Godfather! That’s cool. What isn’t cool is that she said I was the love-child of Mick Jagger and Susan Boyle. I’m much cuter than that. Really. But, god, she hits HARD. The pain has no mercy. Curse you, slow reflexes! Why couldn’t I be like a cat? That’d be awesome. Cats are cool.

-*-

Kara decides to drag me along on a movie night with Niall and his buds. We’re currently in their basement, sitting all comfy on the couch. If I have to be here, I call rights to make fun of her.

“So…how’s Niall? You two getting into any hanky-panky? Have ya…done the WILD thang?”

She stares at me, both speechless and confused. Probably trying to figure out what the wild thang is. Obviously she’s figured it out; her face is stormy, angry at my awesome.

“Aw, you don’t have to hide it. It’s natural for you to be feeling things for this young man. Just remember: make happy into happier with a condom!”

This is when she decides to throw a pillow at my head. We’re engaging into a full out pillow fight when someone clears their throat. Both our heads snap up and we stare at the five pieces of eye-candy standing in front of us.

“Aw, Louis, why did you have to stop them? It was turning into a proper chick film.” A slow voice whines.

Harry Styles is complaining about the lack of pillow-fight going on. This other guy, Louis, sighs and pats Harry on the head.

“No, no. No, no. Go online if you need it that bad. But mate, you could just get laid.”

So for the next 15 minutes we listen to the five guys comtemplate both online hanky-panky and actual hanky-panky. Kara and I stare at each other. Irritation in 3…2….1!

“SHUT.UP.”

Wow. Never knew she had that kind of scream in her. They stop and stare at her. She smacked Niall on the back of his head, classic move.

“This is my best friend. Now let’s watch a movie.”

 Harry looks at me, eyes widening. He recognizes me. Louis nudges Harry in the chest and motions to me. He winces, the pain hasn’t faded yet.

Eventually we all get situated on the couch; Kara all snuggled up with Niall. To my surprise, the other girls show up and soon everyone’s in pairs except for me and Harry. Awkwardness galore. He sighs and sits down next to me. I take control of the blanket we’ve been rationed. We sit apart, both uncomfortable. We look like idiots. But that’s better than getting close to him. He probably doesn’t want to get to know someone who’s damaged. I think I’m still broken. How am I supposed to fix myself?

“CJ—”

“How to you know my name?”

“Your brother said it.”

We pause and I recap the day in the bathroom for the 30th time.

“I’m cold. Can we share that blanket?”

I look at him, searching for traces of flirting in his tone but there’s nothing. He’s honestly cold. I nod once and lift up an end. He awkwardly moves over next to me. We’re still too far apart for it to be comfortable.

“Oh, screw this.” He mutters, running a hand through his curls.

He picks me up, placing me in his lap as he repositioned the blankets. I’m too much in shock to do anything. He moves me to his side and wraps an arm around me, more for comfort than to be smooth. The blanket swathes us both and for some reason I feel safe. The way he moves me so gently, like I’m a doll that he doesn’t want to harm, throws me. But no guy can be trusted. It’s just too dangerous to trust him.

I’m locked in my thoughts for most of the movie, catching key scenes once in a while. At the end I feel Harry leaning in, his mouth inches from my ear.

“I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m here if you want to talk, ever. You can trust me.” He squeezes me once and gets up.

No, I can’t trust him, not yet. But maybe I want to talk. Maybe Harry Styles can do what no one has done before. Maybe he can fix me.