Glass Heart

2. Dead Ends

My eyes were heavy, I couldn't open them. The last thing I remembered was being shot. I was sure that I'd died. My entire body felt like it was on fire. My chest felt heavy and it was sore. I always had a scar in the center of my chest, but I never knew where it came from. It was a part of my missing past. I would have another on my chest and my neck considering I'd been shot. I heard a loud beeping. It was a heart monitor, I recognized the sound from my childhood. But I still couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. I felt a hand caressing my cheek. The hand smelled like my mother's rose scented perfume. My mother was there with me. I was heavily conflicted with the fact that I couldn't wake up.

I wanted to tell my mother that I was sorry. I desperately wanted to tell her that I was wrong. I was wrong for going against her and becoming a cop. I put myself and her in danger. I lifted my hand up and set it on hers. I still had some mobility and for that I was grateful. My mother then began to speak. Her voice was breaking, she sounded distraught. From what I could tell, it seemed as though she thought I'd never wake up. "I've wanted to tell you for so long. I am not whom you think I am. I regret never telling you, and it may be too late." I was completely and utterly confused. What do you mean?

"You, my darling are the closest thing I've ever had to family. I wish things were different, I wish you had been my daughter. The thing that makes you so special, it is your heart. There is something in your heart that makes you different. There is nothing else in the world like your heart. If you wake up and I'm not here, I want you to take good care of it. " I finally understood. She wasn't scared that I wasn't going to wake up, she was scared that she wouldn't be there for me. The thought of that had me terrified, I wouldn't know what to do without her. I didn't have any idea what I was going to wake up to and it made me want to stay asleep forever. I felt her move my hand towards my wound. She pressed it down gently. "You have been dead for 3 years. The NYPD had a memorial for you. When you wake up, do not go to anyone you used to know. What I'm going to do to you is for your protection. It's so Blackwood doesn't find you. You have to find someone to fix your heart."

It caused me immense pain to learn that I wasn't her daughter. She was the only person that I ever had, she was the one who cherished me and made sure I was okay. The only home that I'd ever had was her home. She promised me that she would always be there for me. Then I died. I was the one thing in the world that she cared about and I broke her heart. I left her alone for 3 years.

Everything she said to me only made my severe confusion worse. I wondered how she could possibly be aware of Blackwood's existence. What was her relation to them? I suddenly heard clattering noises. My mother's breathing became ragged like she was fighting. What the hell is happening? I began to panic, the heart monitor began to beep faster. I heard crashing and gunshots. My head felt like it was on fire. "I love you!" She yelled. It hurt so much that I couldn't say it back, I didn't even understand what the hell was going on. I felt a current pass through my chest and hit my heart. It hurt so bad, whatever was in my body made it burn. I hated it. I no longer knew who I was. I questioned whether Mary was even my real name. But it was the only thing I knew. All sound suddenly faded and was replaced with a high pitched ringing noise. Am I dreaming?

~

I opened my eyes and found myself in a hospital bed. But based on my surroundings, I wasn't in a hospital. The brick walls looked like...my basement? I was highly perplexed as I wondered just what my mother had gotten herself involved with. I was wearing sweatpants and a tank top. My mom must have changed my clothes. Then I realized, mom! I was lifting myself from the bed when I felt a sharp pain in the center of my chest. That was when the burning started. I winced as I let my feet hit the floor, broken glass was everywhere. The place was wrecked. I walked towards the stairs trying to make my way through the glass. When I got to the stairs I saw the thing that would scar me for life. This would haunt me in my dream. My mother's dead body lay in the center of the steps. I ran up, pain in each tread. I clutched her tightly and held her in my arms. Her body was still warm, she hadn't been gone for long. Nothing. She was truly lifeless. She was the one who had all of the keys to my past and with her gone, I would never know my origins. Where the hell did I come from? I began to sob, not wanting to accept my new reality. I felt the burning moving down my arm and into the palm of my hands, stopping at my fingertips. My skin began smoking. My tears abruptly ceased to be. I released my mother's body and backed away. I ordinarily knew what to do but, at that moment I was completely lost. I was grasping at straws.