Red Begonias

Chapter 6: Missing Him

~Keith’s POV~

I sigh, sitting in my bed as I held the begonia in my hand. I look at it, running my fingers gently along the petals. It’s been about two months since Lance’s death and everyone still blames me. Hell, I still blame me. I miss him so damn much. It hurts. I feel an emptiness in my gut everytime I look at anything related to Lance. He had only just turned 18 before I killed him. I killed him because I was selfish and didn’t think of anything else other than myself. I thought I was finally happy with Shiro when Lance came to confess his feelings. But then I realised just how unhappy I was when I was with Shiro. I sigh and stand, going to go train.

I’ve trained every day since the incident, eating the bare minimal to keep up with the amount of training I was doing. I trained all the way up to level eight before I stopped, punching the wall as I shouted in anguish. Why didn’t I just tell him I love him? Why did I make him feel like I hated him? I kept punching the wall until my knuckles bled. I look at them. It didn’t hurt. Nothing did anymore. Nothing could hurt more than not having Lance with me. Not seeing his smile. Not seeing his deep blue eyes. Not being able to tell him I love him.

I walk to my room, grabbing my phone and pulling up his video. I hit the play button for the tenth time today.

“See what you’ve done to me? I hope you’re happy Keith… I’ll be dead when you watch this video but I hope you realise what you have done. You hated me… it accelerated the rate at which the Hanahaki progressed. Red Begonias… I wish I had learned sooner. I wish I had figured it out before I even fucking confessed. I bet you’re jumping with joy now that I’m dead. The ‘useless and pathetic’ paladin is dead. You won’t have to worry about me losing focus during training or screwing up on missions. You won’t have to worry about me anymore. Have a nice life with Shiro. Get married on Earth. Adopt a couple kids. Or whatever.” He coughs violently, coughing up a whole flower. He shows it to the camera.

“See? Look at this shit. Look at this! No one realized I was sick. No one cared enough to ask how I was doing. You didn’t even bat an eye. Burn in hell Keith. I loved you and you killed me. I hope you’re happy.” I pause the video just before it ends and gently brush my fingers over the screen, wanting to wipe away his tears.

“I’m so… so sorry Lance… I love you. I love you so damn much.” I whisper, bouncing my leg quickly. I take a deep breath and stand. I grab my jacket and put it on, walking to Lance’s pod. I hear voices on the other side of the door and open it, seeing the rest of the team gathered around Lance’s pod. I freeze up and look at them.

“Keith-”

“I-I made a wrong turn. Sorry.” I say, turning and running away from the room. I wound up in Blue’s hangar and sighed as I leaned up against the wall, looking at the giant Blue lion. Allura is her pilot now that Lance is dead. The Lion suddenly tilted her head and looked at me.

“What is it Blue? Do you blame me too?” I ask. The lion made a noise that if she had actual eyes, it would’ve been paired with an eyeroll.

“Then what is it girl?” I ask softly, looking at Blue. She opened her mouth and let me in. I walk to the pilot chair where Lance used to sit and stood behind it. Blue then suddenly took off. I gasp and sit in the chair.

“Where are you going?! We need to stay at the castle!” I shout, trying to steer the Lion. She made a noise of indifference and continued until we reached an area of space with a bunch of stars and a couple small planets. She then started playing a video on a screen.

“Isn’t it beautiful girl? Whenever we’re near Olkarion I always like to come here. You know that of course. But it’s so calm and beautiful here.” A purr from the Lion could be heard in the background. Lance chuckles.

“Yeah. If Keith returns my feelings then one day, I’ll take him here. I’ll take him here for almost every date when we can. We’ll pack a picnic dinner and just sit here, eating and talking. And maybe, just maybe, one day I’d ask him to marry me. Right here.” Lance smiles, looking out at the stars. Blue purrs in the background and he chuckles.

“I understand. No, we won’t do that here… that’s more for the bedroom.” He says, bursting out in laughter.

The video then switched to another one.

“He rejected me Blue… a-and… it looks like I’m not going to live very much longer…” A curious sounding purr comes form Blue in the background.

“Why you ask… I have this disease… flowers are growing in my lungs… and I’m coughing up petals to no end. Petals of the red begonia… meaning beware… I should’ve known… I should’ve known he would reject me…” Lance says, coughing in between sobs. A few petals fluttered out of his mouth and down to the floor. He looks down at them and sighs.

“I’m dying girl… I’m sorry you didn’t get a better paladin.” He whispers.

The video switched one more time.

“I-I only h-have a week and a half left girl… it hurts so much. I-I can’t b-breathe anymore… I’m not gonna have the surgery… I think it’s too late for that anyways. The flowers have taken over most of my lungs… I’m going to die soon Blue… But, when I do, please… please take Keith out here to show him the beauty of the stars.” Lanc sobs, his face buried in his hands. Blue purrs softly in the background, trying to calm the blue paladin. He looks up out of his hands.

“Keith is the most beautiful, badass, and just all out amazing man ever… and I wish I had a chance with him…” Lance says, resting his head against the headrest before violent coughs overtook him and he keeled over.

The video cut out and I wiped my eyes. I pat the chair gently.

“Th-thank you for showing me that Blue… Thank you…” I mumble. She purrs and flies us back to the castle.

When I got out of Blue, I found that everyone was waiting for me in the hangar.

“Where were you? You were gone for two vargas!” Allura asks, running to me and hugging me tightly. I sigh.

“Blue took me somewhere and showed me something.” I say, shrugging her off. Everyone watched as I walked out of the hangar. I walk to Lance’s room and sat on his bed, breaking down. I sob into my gloved hands.

“I am so sorry Lance. I am so, so sorry Lance. I-I love you so much… I’m so sorry I rejected you. I’m s-so sorry I made you feel worthless. I’m so sorry I made you feel so bad. I’m so, so, so sorry.” I whisper, shaking as I sob. I sniffle, kissing his pillow gently.

“Please come back.” I whisper, then walking out of his room and to my own room. I kiss the begonia that I kept and put it back in the box that Allura gave me to preserve it.

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Chapter 6! Hope you enjoyed! (happiness/smut is next chapter)

Luv y'all,
Erin Jaeger