awaken | hyunjin. [🗸]

05. traumafication

Mrs. Hwang had one too many juiceless mimosas the morning of August 14 and she felt it all the way through her midmorning whiskey and white zinfandel at lunch time. She wasn't drunk, as she had become far too adjusted to large amounts of alcohol, however she did smell like it. She had trouble passing the receptionists due to her sleazy appearance.

"Why are you even here?" Hyunjin, grumpy as ever, asked upon Mrs. Hwang's arrival. His IV was out now and had left a long, brownish bruise on his arm; even the tape used to secure it left irritation on his skin.

"Because I'm your mother and I'm obligated," she spat, flopping down in the chair beside Hyunjin's bed. "I got nothing better to do."

"Amazing," Hyunjin said, rolling his eyes accordingly. "When Dr. Seo comes back, I want you to leave."

"And why is that?" she sneered. "Scared of Mommy still?"

Shamelessly, Hyunjin admitted, "No, I just don't like you." In fact, it was hard not to smile in the middle of his sentence; he liked getting revenge. Mrs. Hwang went red in the face, her alcoholic stink wafting through the room the longer she sat, and didn't say another word until the doctor finally arrived.

"Afternoon," Dr. Seo greeted charmingly. Mrs. Hwang was filing through her purse--probably just pretending to be busy so she didn't have to say hello. "How are you feeling? Any dizziness, nausea?"

"No," Hyunjin answered monotonously.

"Good, good. Mrs. Hwang, if you'll please excuse us for the time being, I'd like to talk to your son privately." Hyunjin's eyes flicked in the direction of his mother, and this time he let himself smirk.

"Sure thing, Doc." She trudged out of the place as if all her sins were chained to her ankles. Hyunjin was pretty certain the sea of people in the hallway parted when Mrs. Hwang left his room since her stench followed her wherever she went.

Dr. Seo put his clipboard down on the counter across the room and took residence on the chair Mrs. Hwang had just been sitting in. He crossed his legs and touched his hands together, letting out a sigh. "I'm afraid we have to talk about your accident."

"Great," Hyunjin muttered, purposely knocking his head on the wall behind him. "I was dead, you brought me back. So?"

"There's more to it, Hyunjin," Dr. Seo stressed. "Firstly, do you remember anything from April second?"

"April second," Hyunjin considered. "It rings a bell. I think I... oh, yeah." Hyunjin chuckled; he had gotten drunk that night. He was only ten back then, but it was for kicks.

"Hmm?"

"I drank some," he summed, coughing into his fist knowing this could cause legal problems. As soon as he said the words out loud, Hyunjin's face fell. He had downed a couple beers, his hands aching from the screw-on bottle cap, and wandered into the street. It was past midnight. His mother was up watching Hallmark movies with a bottle of whiskey, and that was how he had managed to sneak out. It was Felix's fault for leaving Hyunjin all alone. Presently, Hyunjin had a lump in his throat that he tried to hide by biting on his lip.

"Hyunjin," Dr. Seo urged. "You remember more, don't you?"

"Felix," Hyunjin whimpered, nearly crying but holding it in this time. "He left on my birthday."

"Felix?" the doctor asked. "Where did he go?"

"Australia," Hyunjin said. "He moved to Australia... damn that Felix." He looked at Dr. Seo's thoughtful expression and wondered what could have been going through his mind; clearly Dr. Seo knew more about the accident than Hyunjin did, so why did the mention of Felix pique his interest?

"So the cause was grief, huh?" Dr. Seo asked, and Hyunjin nodded in affirmation. "Do you remember the accident happening? This is really important, but I understand your brain shut out that memory to protect you from trauma. Try and think for me."

"No way!" Hyunjin scoffed. "If my brain doesn't want to be trauma-fied, then so be it."

"Traumatized, son," Dr. Seo corrected.

"Doesn't make a difference what word it is."

"Settle down, I wasn't done," Dr. Seo said calmly. "As I was saying, this is important. If you don't try and remember the accident on your own, there's a chance the memory could come back to you out of nowhere and possibly cause a seizure like you had on the night of the accident, and if that should happen, there definitely will be trauma involved. You could run the chance of falling into another coma."

"Another coma? Like, another eight-year coma?"

"There's no telling how long it could be, but probably shorter."

Hyunjin, in a bit of a panic, drew in a breath and shut his eyes, forcing things to come back to him: the time of morning it was, how torn he was about Felix, what movie his mother was watching in particular when he left the house. It came in pieces that Hyunjin had trouble disclosing to Dr. Seo but did anyway; his eyes teared up excessively and the tears themselves dripped like hell, but he wasn't contorted in the face or otherwise upset.

"You did well, Hyunjin," Dr. Seo said at the end of the confession session. "I know this is cheesy, but you learned your lesson, didn't you?"

"Don't break rules?"

"More or less--don't drink irresponsibly," Dr. Seo said, "especially not as a ten-year-old. What could have possessed you?"

"You don't understand," Hyunjin insisted bashfully, his already small voice reducing down to a whisper. The tears dribbled over his lips and down his sharp chin, but he didn't break eye contact with the doctor who he, as of late, had started to think of as a friend. "It was hard with my mom."

"Hard how?"

"She drinks," Hyunjin said, but that was a given--Dr. Seo could probably smell Mrs. Hwang's breakfast from outside the hospital. Hyunjin didn't want to pour his personal life--his old personal life, anyway--out onto Dr. Seo, so instead he cut himself off and said, "She's just that way, you know? And with no friends anymore..."

"How can you be so sure you don't have any friends?" Dr. Seo pushed.

Hyunjin wiped his eyes in one brief motion and folded his arms stubbornly across his chest: "For starters, Felix is in Australia."

"Felix?" Dr. Seo repeated. "Was his surname Lee?"

Hyunjin's mouth fell open. "Well yeah, but he's imaginary. How'd you guess?"

"My son had an Australian friend named Felix Lee when he was younger, so I thought they could be connected. You sure he's imaginary?"

"I don't know, it's been a while. My mom said he was."

"Maybe Mom was drinking when she said that." Dr. Seo winked at Hyunjin and rose off the chair, leaving Hyunjin confused but hopeful at the same time. So far, this was both the best and the worst thing to happen all day: one one hand, he wasn't insane. He really did have a reason to be upset; he wasn't irrational or stuck inside his ten-year-old mindset.

But on the other hand, Felix really did leave him. It was because of this that Hyunjin's mother thought he was a little over-imaginative as a kid and ridiculed him every time the name Felix came up. It was because of this that Hyunjin fell into a coma for nearly half his life.