"Brothers"

Chapter 1: The Ship.

Loki's P.O.V

I was sitting on one of the windows looking out into the stars of everything. I wish there was something to read on this ship. I was tired of being stuck in my room for hours on end. It's been a few days since Thor, Banner, Valkyrie, Heimdall, those people from Sakaar, and I saved the people of Asgard. I'm actually quite impressed at how Thor has matured over the last few years. He went from getting himself banished (which I know was somewhat my fault, but he would have something brash without my influence anyway) to leading the last of our people.

They all seemed to enjoy the company of one another, and Banner has come to get along nicely with Valkyrie. Thor being his cheery self, kept conflict between them to a minimum and got along with everyone, but me. We haven't spoken much since Asgard. It's my own fault I'm aware but I don't know how to make up for all the things I ever did to him. There is no possible way to say "I'm sorry" for all of my mistakes, for all the times I've lied to him, for all the times I've provoked him, for all the things I did to tear us apart. I've tried before, I try all the time, but the very next time we spend an extended amount of time together I betray him. Not to mention all the times I've died. He mourned for me, more than I could even fathom, I've hurt him, and for that I am truly sorry. I can't, I won't dare try to hurt him again this time. Not after everything he's lost, we've lost.

Even with all that's ever happened, the loss of our mother, Odin, Lady Sif, and The Warriors three, he still manages not to think about himself. He's more concerned about everyone around him. I do truly admire that about him. His ability to put the ones he cares for above himself. He's even made time for me, before I ruined it. I'd always have to find a way to piss him off, to push his buttons. I remember the look on his face when he had to take me back home after my........temper tantrum in New York. The sheer disappointment in his icy blue eyes. It hurt me, but back then I dare not let it affect me. I put on a cold facade, I tried not to show any emotion, other than, anger. It worked well until Thor let me out. Then something in me softened a bit, but even then I right back to my mischievous ways. That part I don't regret it was great fun. I even unintentionally helped Odin come to terms with his own death. I suddenly felt a faint presence behind me.

"Who." I said without bothering to turn around.

"Brother, you haven't said much to anyone ever since we got on the ship and set course for Earth." Thor said to me.

"Well I haven't much to say." I said simply.

"Loki, I know you, and I know that's a lie. You always have something to say."

"What is it that you want brother." I said finally trying getting straight to the point. He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. His touch made me tense up and sent a shiver up my spine.

"I want you to stop avoiding everyone." He said with a smile.

"What for? To let Banner bring up New York? To have Valkyrie to kick my ass into next week? To be silently judged by Heimdall? I think I'd rather stay here." I said.

"Fine. Stay here and sulk then." He said, I heard his footsteps as he walked away.

The truth is, I can't face anyone, especially him. He was right to leave me to my devices. I watched as he took the last few steps out of the door. I had to say something.

"The question is, brother, why aren't you sulking. You've lost more than anyone." I said.

"Because I'm looking forward to our bright new future." He responded.

He's said that before. He must really mean that. Too bad I don't believe a word of it. I barely believe what I said to him. He's lost people, of course, but I've lost my entire way of life. When I found out what I was, I didn't know how to handle it. I still don't know how to handle it, and mother's death came at the worst of times. Had I not been in that cell. Had I been there for her, I could have stopped it. I could have saved her.

My movements shifted. I had my head in my hands. I stood up. There must be something here that I can distract myself with. I looked at my perfectly made bed and the otherwise completely empty room. I made my way out of my room. I had no idea what I could do while avoiding everyone, from what I've learned (from spying), Dr.Banner likes to explore, Heimdall tries to make sure the Asgardians are comfortable for the journey, Thor dose the same, but he also makes time to go spare with Valkyrie. It seems as if everyone has somewhere to be. Everyone, but me. I straightened my clothes and headed for the lift. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until now. I know Thor a re as much as a boar when he found food on the ship. I haven't eaten anything in the last day or so. I refuse to be near them.

I entered the lift and went down a few floors to the dining hall. I walked out and looked around to make sure I'm alone. Of course that's almost impossible with a ship full of thousands of people. The good news is that I was avoiding the people that hate me. Which is a many of people. Most don't trust me. I wouldn't trust me. Thor was right to wait for me to make a move. The second I did he would throw me out of an air lock. I tried to shake my head out of those thoughts.

I stopped walking when I saw a basket of fruit. I took nothing of grander, settling for an apple. I took a bite of the sweet fruit and started to walk back to the lift to seal myself back in my room. Of course it was a mistake to leave my room in the first place I ran into Dr.Banner on my way out.

"Uh, hey." He said shyly, he had a strange mix of worry and fear in his eyes.I

"Dr.Banner." I nodded. I straightened my posture and put both hands behind my back.

"So, uh, are you cool?" He asked.

"If your asking me if I plan on bringing an army to New York or stab Thor again. I don't see myself doing so in the immediate future." I said before stepping around him and walking away.

To be perfectly honest I might have been more scared of him than he is of me. The beast could come out at a moments notice and frankly I'd rather not be tossed around like a rag doll again. Those words still ring in my ears every time I see him or think about him. "Puny god." I sighed and rubbed my temples with my hand. I took a second bite from my apple as entered the lift again. By the time it stopped and I got to my room I was down to the apple core.

I sat down at the widow again and started to think about mother. She was the one I really liked. She taught me everything I know about magic, she braided my hair and the way Thor would look at me when she finished, he was almost envious. A sad smile almost played at my lips. She even made sure I was okay when no one else cared, she settled argument between Thor and I as children. If she saw me know she'd be happy that we've come this far in reconciliation. She was the only one that could make me show my true intentions. I regret that the last thing I did was question her. She really did do all that she could to ensure my comfort, but that's not what I was thinking at that point. I felt something wet go down my cheek. A tear. I looked up as I realized I'd shifted everything in my room. I stood up and picked up a lamp that I had knocked over. Not again. I will not. This isn't a cell. I am free to move about when I want. I am fine.

I took a breath. I should know how to control my emotions better by now. It's just that I, I can't. I'd much rather be alone until my thoughts and feelings clear. I still don't know what Thor is expecting of me. I don't know what anyone expects from me. I don't even know what I expect from me. All I know is that everything is changing so rapidly I can hardly get my head around it all. The last six or so years have not been my best. I can't even handle my feelings for Thor. I don't know how I see him. I've hated him for so long, and now, I'm just confused.

I sighed again and decided to go to bed.