It All Starts With a G

Chapter Two ~ An Emotional Drive

~ Chapter 2 ~ 

I had been driving for hours as I headed out to my new home away from home and with those hours emotions that were long buried came bubbling to the surface. As I felt like I was drowning they were coming up for air causing me to nearly suffocate inside my car. The thing about driving was that you could absolutely loose yourself within your thoughts with no interruptions. Unfortunately, my thoughts kept circling around like a bad circus ride and seemed to loop through until it replayed the last 3 years of my life. Pain and sorrow was how I liked to describe it and the loss of love and betrayal that was so deep it was apart of me. Eventually I knew that I had to start healing and this impromptu decision to go off to college instead of staying local was my way of readying myself for a healing process that involved way more pain than I had already endured, but it meant closure and forgiveness, or at least forgiveness for some.

I had to credit my aunt Chris for getting me this far because if I had to face the harsh reality of the last three years by myself then I knew deep down I would have not made it through. Between aunt Chris and my cousin, Scarlette, me getting this opportunity would not even be possible. Although I could have flown, I needed this time alone to process it all and prepare myself to reenter the world that I had stepped out of a year ago. Thinking back to that day one year ago made me physically sick, which had been occurring more and more often over the last couple of weeks. The visit to my childhood home this morning did not help keep all of it at bay either. Sighing loudly, I could feel dread deep in my bones at the memories resurfacing and shivered in a way to shake it off as I pulled off of the interstate into a truck stop to refuel and stretch my legs.

I had only been on the road for a little over 3 hours and had about an hour and half to go but it had felt like days. I would be glad when I pulled in to Scarlette's apartment complex and could relax in a place that had no memories, fears or reminders. I was very thankful that she had come up with this idea and pushed me to move to Austin with her to attend school. Grant it she was a year ahead of me since I had chosen not to attend last year but she assured me that with her help that I would catch up quickly and we would get me back on track to graduate with her. Of course, I was going to a community college for my first couple of semesters and my hope was to join her at the university by the next fall as a junior. My attempts to become a recluse were completely rejected by her and during spring break she had made the announcement that I was coming back with her so I would be ready for summer classes.

She had been right as usual and I did feel so much better by taking steps to try to become the person I used to be, even if I knew deep down that girl did not exist any more I could try to find me for who I was now. I tried to make that my mantra but then exposure of what had happened was my biggest fear and my second biggest fear was humiliation that seemed to be ever so present in my entire family's eyes. Scarlette told me often as did aunt Chris that I was wrong and that our family was more concerned about me than anything and that they longed for the old Emilee to come back. I laughed out loud at that one garnering me looks from others that were standing at the pumps getting gas. The laugh must had sounded really bitter and hateful because it was looks of shock that was evident on most of the faces I glanced at which caused me to duck my head back in my car until my gas was completely pumped. Once finished I hurried back out of the station and found myself headed south on the interstate. Just a little longer and I would be back in my comfort zone and all of those memories and feelings safely locked back up were they belonged or so I tried to convince myself. Shaking my head, I cranked up the radio and lost myself in the tunes that belted out of the speakers and pushed forward.

About two hours and one more stop to stretch my legs I made my way into the apartment complex that I would call home for what I hoped would be 4 years or ever how long it took me to finish school including my graduate courses. Four long years that I could place my old life onto a shelf and maybe if I played my cards right a new and improved me with a degree would emerge unscathed any further. Pulling into the assigned parking place that Scarlette had texted me earlier with I turned off the engine and grabbed my backpack and got out of the car. Closing the driver door, I opened the back door and grabbed both my suitcases and pulled them out placing both next to car as I shut the doors and hit the lock button my key fob. Gathering everything up and with my arms full I made my way to the front door of my new home, when my phone beeped signaling I had gotten a text message. Not worrying about who it could be since literally no one but my aunt and Scarlette had my new number I pushed it away to answer it later. For such a large family it was actually crazy to believe that the only people I talked to were them but because of the traumatic circumstances I felt it was best to for everyone to fade into the woodwork. It had worked quite well so I did not feel the need to expand my communication or relationships with anyone at this time, including sharing my new cell number with any of them.

To say I missed my family was an understatement, but choices had been made. Choices that led for a family to be devastated, feelings hurt and sides taken and of course I became an enemy of many within a collection of people that swore that family would always be first. What a lie that turned out to be, when one of their own desecrates another of their own, then they choose to take sides with a fifty-year-old man over an 18-year-old girl that was supposed to be the apple of everyone's eyes. I scoffed to myself on that one, not that I was a child but the point being, I had no reason to lie and I could prove that what I said was true. Even my sisters and brothers felt I was trying to create a great divide for some type of attention or as they called me a liar amongst other things that were not so nice. Just as I felt a hot panic trying to take over my body the door to Scarlette's apartment was thrown open and my beautiful cousin stepped out and engulfed me in her arms, luggage and all.

The great thing was that Scarlette was the fierce, bubbly, outgoing cheerleader type that loved hard and was loyal to a fault. I never worried about where I stood with her because she was completely open with me and never held back. It was refreshing most of the time and when she pressed to hard she completely respected my requests for her to give me more time, that was until my current situation where she decided enough was enough. I distinctly remember her walking in from her long drive home to Ft. Worth and making an academy award worthy performance on her decision to bring me out of my funk. I just stared at her like she had lost her mind, with my mouth open wide enough for flies to fly in and out of and all the color draining from my face. She even felt the need to pretend she was me and had all my college transcripts forwarded to the community college as well as completed my application. She informed me, Aunt Chris and my Uncle Will that I would be starting in less than two months and that I was moving in with her. While I think both my aunt and uncle were shocked they did not even hide their excitement for me to actually start to live again.

Laughing I tried to hug her back but all my stuff just got in the way and she busted out laughing as well. Moving inside the apartment I placed my suitcases next to the entry closet door and laid my person and small duffel bag on top of them as Scarlette shut and locked the front door. Turning to her I smiled as I watched her auburn hair bounce up and down in her long ponytail as she literally jumped up and down in the entry hall giggling like we used to before my life tragedy.

"I'm so happy Emilee, like its going to be so much like high school again" she half yelled at me between fits of giggles.

"I see college has not helped you mature much Scar" I said sarcastically as I giggled back. I was so glad I could be like this with her even if it was short lived because she never let me stay sad or depressed for long.

Grabbing my hand, she drug me into the small living room and yanked me along with her as she plopped down on the couch.

"Bitchy much cousin" she said as she rolled her eyes still smiling at me.

Just as I was about to reply with another smart comment my cell dinged again notifying that I had another text message.

"Your mother must be worried about me" I said as I smiled at Scarlette

"My mom is on a plane right now, its impossible to be her" she said as she arched her eyebrow at me.

"You and her are the only two people that have this phone number" I said worriedly.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket I glanced down at a text from a number that would always be burned into my mind and heart.  

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Please don't forget to vote.  I love to hear your comments so far.  So any ideas on whats going on?  I know its early but chapter three will explain one part of whats going on and will have a couple of flash backs before we start going through her journals.