random write s

poem// I am okay

you ask me if I am okay.

You expect an honest answer, but I can't give you one.

you ask me if I am okay.

but I don't know how to tell you I'm not.

You ask me if I am better, if I am happy.

You think that because the arms of the clock have moved so has my mood, but I am not happy.

You ask me if I am okay, this time with force.

as if the raised tone in your voice welcomes my shaded thoughts. I smile and say yes. beaus I couldn't even begin to describe how broken I am.

You ask me if I am okay.

I ignore you this time. thinking that maybe, just maybe I might be able to hide this monster that lives inside me. That I can hide the scratching, the yelling, the screaming. that I can patch up this broken shell with desperate fistfuls of duct tape, so that I can smile again and tell you that I am okay through gritted teeth until the tape doesn't stick anymore.

You ask me if I am okay.

And I look at you, with a thousand unsaid words lingering on my tongue. I look at you, my fist clenching in my lap, debating what our answer should be. I bite down on my tongue, killing the words that would not be said. I pull my lips into a smile, hoping that the monster can't be seen through my teeth.

Yes.