Chocolate Chip Cookies And Pink Nails | A Coming Of Age Story

2 | Future Dreams

Copyright of ButterflyFingers

This chapter nor any other chapter is edited unless indicated otherwise.

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Chapter Two: Future Dreams

At first, I fought the love. How could I have romantic feelings for my very straight best friend? It's wasn't the fact that I loved someone from the same gender, it was a matter of loving someone knowing full well they would never return the feelings. The heartbreak that follows this type of love. Every part of my being knew that I have to move on. I have to accept that no matter how close we are, our love will never be romantic. I will always be her best friend. Years have passed with continuous heartbreak and empty hopes but my unrequited love stayed strong. Maybe distance is the answer? Maybe the reason why I haven't been able to get over this love is that I see her every day? The very thought of losing the friendship made my stomach clench. As many nights before, I pondered over this till I fell asleep.

"Have you thought about what you want to do next year?" Dad asked at our usual family Sunday brunch. I bit my lip. Dad was a planner. He was the most organized person in our family of three. He was all about his routines and rules. Daddy dearest was his opposite. A dreamer. Never a true plan. Just riding the wave as he would say. Go with the flow. I was somewhere in the middle. I liked having a rough plan to follow and goals to work towards but if life rocked the boat and steered me into another direction; I wouldn't fight it. "I can't decide what I want to study. I don't want to jump into a study because I think I might like the career and change my mind a few months in. It's a waste of money." Dad hummed in response and took another bite of the quiche. "Why don't you just go out and travel?" It was my turn to hum as I thought about Daddy Dearest question. I wasn't a massive traveler. Didn't hold the need to constantly explore and go on these adventures. "I don't know. I don't want to waste money and just wander around without a purpose." Dad sighed. I hated wasting money. Both of my dads' worked hard for their money. It would be wrong of me to spend their money recklessly "We've been over this cupcake. We want to support you and your future." It was my turn to sigh. "I know. I know. But the thing is I have no idea what I want to do." Do I want to study? Do I want to travel? Do I want to leave Sasha? Panic bubbled inside my chest, inching up towards my throat before spilling out of my mouth. I sobbed. I'm only eighteen. How am I supposed to know now what I want to do for the rest of my life? "There is no rush but cupcake you're graduating in six months. You should at least think about this." Dad added before dropping the subject. Daddy Dearest simply gave me a reassuring pat on the back before raving about his cookie muffin. Apparently, he is so close to perfecting the recipe and then we can try it. He reassured that he is currently looking at the next big thing that's going to blow up in his bakeries. I took his word for it. The man knew what he was talking about.

After brunch, I decided that instead of locking myself up in my room and feeling sorry for myself, my time would be better spent outside. Some fresh air would probably do me some good. As I cycled to the park, my thoughts wondered once more to the conversation hour prior. What am I going to do after I gratitude? Better yet what am I going to do about Sasha? It's been five years by now. It quite breathtakingly clear that she isn't suddenly going to confess her feelings and we will live happily ever after. Sasha and John have been dating for over a year now and I can see them going for the big one. Married. Cute little house. Seventeen children. Sasha always made it clear that she would marry and make tons of babies. There was no higher education in her sights. She wanted to be a housewife and kids and whatnot. John might just be the one she has that with. I sighed. My thoughts always went back to Sasha. I planned my entire life around her. Do I move away and go to college and allow the friendship to die off naturally? Sasha hasn't exactly been super present in our friendship since her relationship with John kicked off. We didn't really hang out like we used too but she is still my best friend. Right? My mind reeled, going from one thought to another. College. Travels. Sasha. College. Travels. Sasha. And cookies. Daddy Dearest planted the seed and now I'm craving cookies. Chocolate chip cookies to be precise. College. Travels. Sasha.

I simply just laid on the grass at the park, the background noises fading away. I stared at the leaves of the tree and just allowed my mind to wonder. Again the same things floated through my head. College. Travels. Sasha. How do you know what the right decision is? What if I go off to college and I fail because I have no idea what I want to study? Do I even want to study? Do I even want to travel and explore? How am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life now? Will distance from Sasha really help me? I know only one thing for sure. My unrequited love needs to end. The heartbreaking has been unending and there is only so much one human can take. I need to move on and go on with life. I can't be stuck in the same sad loophole forever. I need to take the plunge and move forward. I need to do something big.

<Want to do something crazy?> Zack reply was instant. His caller ID flashed on my screen and I smiled before pressing the green phone. "I want to do something crazy. Do you want to go somewhere with me? For the week?" Don't think about it. Just do. Thinking is getting me nowhere. I clearly have no idea what I want to do with my life but staying locked away stuck in my own confusing thoughts is clearly not going to get me anywhere. "What about school?" Zack asked after a few moments of silence. The nerd always worried about the little things. "One week from school won't kill me. Besides I'm ahead with most of my subjects anyway." I paused and bit my lip suddenly feeling unsure about my decision. Do I really want to go away for a week? Where would we even go? How is this going to help me decide what I want to do after high school? "I just need to get away from it all you know? I'm stuck in this sad little loophole and I'm drowning." I added, my voice hitched as tears rolled down my cheeks. It was true. "Alright let's do it. Where do you want to go?" Good question. "Let's throw a dart on the map and go wherever it lands." I bit my lip as the excitement grew for my new adventure. Maybe I should travel after high school...

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"What do you mean you're going to New York for a week with my brother? Are you insane? Honestly what has been going on with you these last few days? You're acting so self-involved! I need you right now and you're just abandoning me? Fine do whatever the hell you want! You clearly only care about yourself! Don't bother crawling back to me after this stupid adventure of yours. I'm so done. It's always just about you and I'm just so sick of it." The phone beeped as she hung up and I sat there stunned. What just happened? Sasha's response to my text message was unexpected, to say the least. I bit back tears. Is this how she really feels? Am I truly that much of a horrible friend? Maybe I should stay? I can still make everything right if I go over now... No. I need to do this. I need to do something for myself. Go out there and experience something different. I need to escape this loophole. I need to pull myself out of this water before I drown for real.

<What time are we leaving tomorrow?>

<The flight is at 8am. I will pick you up at 5am. Pack light.> Once the dart landed on New York, Zack took over with the promise to plan everything. Like, Dad, he was a planner. I fell back onto my bed and stared at my ceiling. I can't believe I'm actually going through with this. I'm skipping school for the first time of my life and going on a crazy adventure with my best friend's brother. Although these last few months he has been a better friend than the said best friend. I sighed as my thoughts returned to Sasha's phone call. Did she really mean everything she said? Am I self-involved? I don't think so but maybe that just proves her point? I glanced at my clock. 6 hours before we leave. Sleep would probably be a good idea right about now...Instead, my mind reeled about what our crazy one week adventure would be. Zack promised that he had the entire thing planned out. Apparently, he has a few things on his bucket list he wants to cross out and he wants to pull me along for a ride.