"Halt! You are trespassing in the territory of the Queen. Surrender now, or you will be killed," says the soon to be dead fucker behind me.
"Now, I know what you're probably thinking. 'I got this guy off-guard and from behind, no way he could take me out.' See, that's where you're wrong kiddo. You see-" Before I can continue my statement, I can feel a sharp pain in my left shoulder, presumably from a sharp object. Readers, I'm taking bets, and putting it all on a spear. I reach over my shoulder and pull the object out. I can hear his surprise, so I take advantage of it by swinging him and it over my shoulder and onto the ground. Of course, it was this weird twiggy spear with a stone spearhead on it. "Honestly, you're a piece of shit, mate. I thought I could get through this day without getting stabbed, but now it's been twice. It's probably a bit late for me to say this, as it's already apparently obvious you knob, but I'm pretty fucking pissed." As I look upon this... I'm gonna go with man, because it looks like a dude, I notice that he's actually not quite that old. He's got a scar over his left eye, and both eyes are brown, his hair is somewhere between neat and messy and green with one of those Jedi or prince braid things on the right side of his head. His skin has a slight tan, while his clothing looks kind of like some random light and dark green cloths that bear a slight bit of the upper arm and a bit of his chest. "How old are you kid?"
Quite frankly, and with a fair amount of snark, he states, "I'm older than you." He then stands up, as if he's going to continue fighting. He has guts, I'll give him that, but I don't think he's very bright, especially if he's as old as he says he is. I grab his chin and look him straight in the eyes.
"Listen, if you're going to keep on fighting, I need to let you know right now that I'll burn you alive without a second thought. So take a moment to-" Again, before I'm able to finish, he interrupts me. However, this time he straight-up kisses me on the lips. He even gets his tongue in there, making it as French as he can. If it had been that bartender, or maybe even the bug, I would have fun with it, but he's not either of those, so I punch him in the face. He goes down like a sack of potatoes, so I get onto him before he has a chance to get up. As I'm about to continue his beatdown, I vomit some weird purple liquid onto him. It feels like I'm throwing up a hive of liquid hornets, and every single one of those hornets decided to leave a sting before leaving their old home. "What the fuck did you do to me?" I let another hive free, all over him, before the pain starts to get to me and I pass out.
I wake up, fading in and out of reality, vision blurred from whatever that piece of shit gave me. I can hear murmuring, some wonderfully nice compliments about my gorgeous pink hair, though I heard the word 'outsider,' more than anything else. From what I can gather, they probably parade me through the streets for a while until, well, when I wake up for real. When my senses, more specifically my sight and hearing, are back to normal, I feel blinded. After a while, my eyes get used to the light, and I see that I'm in some kind of throne room made of trees. The walls are bark, the floor is grass, the lights are some kind of apple-like fruits with a natural luminescence to them that are the size of pumpkins. I look behind me and notice a stairway of about five steps that's made of roots that are knitted together, along with a long-ass hallway with grassy floors and walls made of, you guessed it, trees. If I was a betting man, which I am, I'd say all of the people here are some kind of weird plant-people hybrids. Next thing you know, I'll find out that their hair is made of grass and that their bodies are made of dirt and rock. I look forward, and I became genuinely surprised. Not only was there a throne, surprisingly and crudely made of several rocks and roots, there was a pond in front, brimming with aquatic life. Frogs, fish, snakes, if you could name any small aquatic animal, it was probably in that pond. I was thrown right into the pond, but none of the animals attacked me. It was a surprise to be sure, but a very welcome one. Of course, since whatever guards help me threw me into the pond, I kick-up and land on my feet, preparing for a fight. Sadly, two massive masses of multiple roots wrap my arms and legs up, binding them together. The roots hang me in the air about fifteen feet up, and I manage to get a real good look at the two who were holding me. They are two tree golem-things, one is twelve feet tall and the other is about nine or ten feet tall, but each of them have a wider upper torso and a thinner lower torso. They are two brutish tree monsters with arms as wide as tree trunks with five root-like fingers, and tree-bark carved into tribal masks for faces, a bat and bear respectively. However, the shorter one seems to have masses of leaves folded up against the backs of his arms and more proportionate legs. The shorter one also holds the bat-mask face. Meanwhile, the taller one has several scratch marks on it, presumably from fights with bears and other large woodland creatures, and looks kind of like Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was Mister Olympia, but instead of having giant arms with muscles that look like they're about to break free from its skin, it had thick tree trunks that are draped in roots for arms. However, its lower legs are stubby, while its torso is so incredibly tall and wide compared to the rest of its body that it makes up most of its height. Obviously, since the shorter one has the bat mask, the taller one has the bear mask. I try to say some shit about them, but I get pulled away before I can.
