[VIXX Neo] Nowadays

Yeon-Ah... Nowadays, I'm....

I'm fine. I'm fine. I told myself.

After that day, when you left. It took me a while to come to terms with your departure. More time than I thought to get over it.

Nowadays, I smile a little because of the times we had. I felt sorry I could not cherish it more. It was warm. It was beautiful.

I went through our stuff before we moved to the new apartment. I feel so thankful. Having met you, things changed for the better. I learnt so much from you. I gained strength, knowing that you would return someday.

Right now, how are you? How do I exist in your memories? What kind of person am I in your eyes?

To be honest, I still look for you everywhere. As soon as I wake up, I crave your touch. Your voice. Everything. In the end, every time, I wipe away the tears that fall. You would have wanted me to keep strong. In the back of my mind, your voice resonated, 'Woon-ie. Fighting!'

The other day, the kids were talking amongst themselves. They worry about me. And for you. It made me wonder how you were these days. Do you still look for me when you wake up? Are you coping well with those nightmares?

Nowadays, I leave the house. The kids wanted to tag along. But I told them I would be okay. It's a routine now but still progresses. I would walk down the street mindlessly. Then, somehow, my thoughts always came back to You.

Nowadays, I would turn on the songs we listened to together. Remember the playlist we made together that night? I close my eyes and just for a moment, it feels like you are there. Even our favorite movies. From A to Z, I watched them all. Your reactions are vividly etched in my mind. Maybe because I watched you more than the movies.

Nowadays, I miss your voice. Those times whenever you would call my name. Even the trivial little things you yelled at me for. I wish I hadn't secretly blocked my ears.

Now, how are you? What kind of impression had I left on you? I wish I had been more expressive and kinder to you.

Nowadays, I still wake up and search for you. Your lingering scent has been long gone. I barely remember your touch. I need you. Anything would be fine. The tears still fall and I still wipe them away. You can cry with me but lift your head and become tougher!

I wonder how you are these days. I hope you are well. I hope you don't look for me or have scary dreams.

Nowadays, I pray. Pray for you. Pray for your return. To make me laugh. To return back to those times. These days I'm not the same as before. Something is not quite right. But I hope you're like me; Searching for me by habit and wishing you would return.

Yeon-ah I miss you. Nowadays, I'm...

~
The rest of the log is unreadable because of water stains that faded the words...

Ok, so enough of that😥 How are you all? Hope you've been fine! Thank you so much for your love and support for 'The Stranger'. It recently reached 25K reads and I'm really glad many enjoyed the book. That's why to celebrate I thought to write a log that Taekwoon kept in his time after Hakyeon left in 'The Stranger'. This was also based on VIXX's Leo's solo album, 'Nowadays' and shows the passing of time and what he had been doing. It was tough and we all know the impact it left on our dear hamster. Thank god we all know the ending to the story... Right?

*Ahem* Anyways, I wish you well and never forget that you are never alone and things will get better eventually.