My Brompton Cocktail

2.

Zacky.

When I let my mind wonder, it always travels back to the days in high school. I will full heartedly admit that I was not the nicest person, against my better judgment and my heart honestly. I did not want to be that mean, cold hearted person, it went against everything I believed in, but influence is a hell of a thing to a teenager. 

My stomach wrenches thinking about the one girl I have always loved, Nadia, and how awful I was to her just so I could get approval from my best friends and not end up friendless. 

"Dude, lay off her. You've said enough." I push against Brian's shoulder with my own, watching Nadia out of the corner of my eye as she dug through her locker. The smirk on his face lessens a little, but not completely. 

"Why? Do you have a crush on the whale?" The venom in his voice seeps through his words and into my skin, sinking deep, making my blood boil. Yes, I have a crush on Nadia. Yes, I do believe and feel she is very beautiful, very sweet, and doesn't deserve the daily assault from us. Will I ever admit that I have feelings for her? No, that would warrant an ass beating and torment for the rest of my life. 

I snort. "No, why would I like someone like her? She would crush me and kill me, I would rather live." Brian laughs at my comments, but all I want to do is throw up all over my boots. I sneak a glance over at Nadia to see that she isn't standing at her locker anymore. The pit in my stomach grows along with the guilt I feel in my heart. 

I would much rather run to Nadia, wrap my arms around her, and apologize profusely until she forgave me for being a complete dickhead, but I know that I could never do that. 

"Good. I would hate to see you die." Matt's voice echoes through the halls as he pats my shoulder, walking past me, and I can't help but to cringe, swallowing down the knot in my throat to keep myself from puking. I can't wait to get out of this stupid ass school. 

"Zachary James Baker! Earth to Zack Baker!" Jimmy's loud, currently obnoxious voice rings in my ears, or maybe it was the smack to the back of the head that is making my ears ring, but I focus myself back on the situation at hand. "You good? You were pretty spaced out there, buddy. Don't tell me you were thinking about 'you know who'." His voice drops to a whisper at the end. Jimmy is the only person I trusted with telling him about how I felt back in high school. The night I told him, I was very close to black out drunk, but he didn't ridicule me. He said he knew I had a thing for her because he could see how much it hurt me whenever one of the guys said something about her. 

"No, no, I wasn't. I think it's just pre tour nerves." I force out a laugh and rub the spot where he smacked me. I didn't want to tell him about Nadia because the other guys were around and they don't know about it.  "You know me, I'm always over thinking things." Johnny walks into the conversation at the last second. 

"Well fuckface, man up. Tomorrow is the auditions for our dancers. We get to watch sexy ass women all day to decide who will be joining us on tour and onstage every night. Find your balls and man the fuck up." Johnny inputs his opinion into the conversation, making me roll my eyes.

"I'm more of a man than you could ever be, short shit." My laugh isn't so forced this time as I joke with Johnny about his height. A typical topic to joke about among the five of us. 

"Well at least I'm not nervous about touring again. This is what, our millionth tour? I'm being a fucking man about it all. I mean it's our job and dream to be doing this kind of shit." I stop laughing and throw the cap off my beer at him, low key irritated at his statement.

"Fuck off. I'm ready for this tour."

Focus, Zacky, focus. You can't change the past.

Nadia. Audition