Niall is just a 20 year old guy, he is in a band called One Direction and he suffers from depression. He is cheerful and he may seem happy but it is all just an act. Whenever he is alone his mind starts drifting away to thoughts he doesn't want to think about. Sometimes he thinks about that in purpose just to make himself feel bad. Why? you may ask. Well because he feels like he deserves it.
When he is out with Liam, Harry, Zayn and Louis he just feels left out. He tries to talk to them but sometimes they just seem to ignore him and walk away, or just not letting him say anything. They laugh and laugh and Niall notices.
Look... They're having more fun without me...
When Liam and Harry are together, they laugh and talk about random stuff. He used to be Liam's best friend. They were so close, they told each other everything and there wasn't a moment when they weren't talking or making a joke to make each other laugh but one day Liam started talking more to Harry and they just became best friends and left Niall behind. And now everytime Liam and Niall talk, its awkward and quiet, Liam doesnt make jokes or even talk, it's just Niall that wants to make everything the same as it was before... but he knows that is impossible. Then Liam just stands up and goes to Harry.
It's okay... I know I am not as good as Harry and it's okay Liam chose him over me
And then Zayn. Zayn is now Niall's best friend. Or at least that's what Niall thinks. Zayn and him talk about 10 hours a day, well chat. They know everything about each other and Niall knows Zayn's deepest secret and Zayn knows Niall's. But there's something in the way. Perrie. Niall does not hate Perrie, he thinks she is sweet and nice but he knows Zayn would chose her over Niall. Always. And Niall doesn't understand why he is so sad about it.. Maybe because... he just wants to be someone's first choice...
Nono it's okay, he loves her and I shouldn't make him choose between the one he loves and this mess of a person Zayn calls a friend
Then with Louis and Harry. They are Larry Stylinson. A Bromance, and nothing more. They are the closest of the band apart from Lirry. So apparently Harry can steal two best friends from a single person. But there's a thing. Harry is depressed and he loves a girl who dumped him a long time ago, he is trying to her over her as hard as he can but it seems like he just can't. He self-harms too and they all know. Harry has tried to kill himself but failed a couple of times, he gets drunk sometimes and cries, lettin Louis comfort him.
Louis, Liam and Zayn know about Niall cutting, and they know Niall thinks about killing himself often but they obviously pay more attention to Harry.
It's okay.. Harry is more important to all of them than me... I understand...
He just feels like he doesn't fit in. Like he doesnt belong to his group of friends and that they're all annoyed by him. That they just dont want him near.
Everytime they go out, they leave Niall in the house or they just ignore him. It's how they roll. They think Niall is okay and everything but everytime something like that happens he just dies a bit inside.
Then Niall cleans the house after Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn leave and he finds some notebooks of last year, there are drawings of Niall and Liam on the first pages and it reminds him of when they were best friends. His heart clenches in sadness and the heartache starts. Then he turns the pages and notice how Harry drawings start taking place on where Niall's drawings once were. Then there are just Liam and Harry drawings.
He notices some of the drawings he made were erased and now Harry drawings are there.
Tears start falling because he just wants his best friend back. He just wants Liam back.
He starts having flashbacks of how Liam and him would laugh and joke together, of how he sometimes told Zayn he was feeling sad and wanting to cut and how Zayn just brushed it off telling him to ignore it. Flashbacks of how Louis and Harry used to care about him but dont anymore.
He slightly gasps as he realized something.
They really don't need me here... It would be better if I wasn't alive... They wouldnt even notice if I killed myself...
His vision starts blurring with tears as he stumbles up the stairs and into his room. He closes the door behind him and he lets all the tears out, then he starts sobbing uncontrollably and loudly. All his world starts falling and everything just makes him want to dissappear forever. He feels the familiar pain on his heart.
He then decides it's time and walks up to the table, grabbing paper and a pen on the way.
Dear...guys:
Im sorry for doing this to you... Or I'm kinda not. I don't know if you wont care or if you will be happy or if you will be sad about me commiting suicide.. and I'd rather not know because I'm sure the answer would hurt me as much as this.
You guys decided to leave me behind... And I'm letting you free.
Liam.. You were my best friend... the closest i've ever had and I'm sorry I couldnt be as perfect as Harry and I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.
Harry... I dont even know what to say.. You were the first one to discover my cuts and you showed me yours. But you're more important than me and you deserve all the help from them and I shouldn't get in the way.
Zayn... You were so close to me and I'm sorry for annoying you when I told you I felt bad and everything. I didnt mean to... I swear... I just wanted a little help but yea Harry is more important and its okay its totally okay.
Louis... Im sorry Im really sorry... You were awesome to me and sometimes you could cheer me up even when I felt like cutting... clearly all changed when you started paying Harry all the attention but as I said its okay...
I am sorry for being this selfish and Harry, I do care about you and I love you as my brother. I love you all as my brothers but you just seem to hate me. I don't know if you realized how worthless I am or how useless and stupid I really am. I don't know why you left me but I'm still sorry for whatever I did.
Bye guys... I love you
Niall
And he took the pills, rested in bed and fell asleep with a small smile on his face, knowing this would make his bandmates happier.
