A Letter to a Boy I Loved

I Love You.

We haven't talked ever since we departed, but I still miss you, even though you may not feel the same.

I remember when I first met you, I was immediately mesmerized. I stared at you for the longest time until you disappeared from my sight. You responded with a face of confusion and fear, which I apologize for, but glad you did.

I slowly began to learn more about you when the principal called you out as ASB president and you began leading an assembly for the school. By then, I joined ASB...for academic reasons, of course.

When it was my turn to present my speech, I remember turning around and seeing you give me a smile with a thumbs up, even though you didn't know who I was. Although that gesture may not have seemed much to you, it gave me confidence and another reason to like you.

The results came and I surprisingly got in. It made me so happy because I could get to know you better. And when I did, I began to favor your humor, your unique name, and how you were everything of my type, to the point where I stayed quietly nervous and my voice would become a lump in my throat with you around.

One day when a member of the group, who I despised the most, decided to make an insult about me, you confidently stood up for me, saying how you were exactly like me; shy and quiet. With those words and myself at the edge, I looked at you as you gave me a smile. At that point, I fell harder than I've had for anyone else.

At the very last dance we had for the school year, you were sitting on the kitchen floor with a stomach ache. Of course, I was worried, so I tried to help you at the best without stuttering. You looked up at me for the longest time, and as I left, you scoffed with a slight smile.

After that moment, I thought I had a chance until I saw you with a girl who made you laugh and smile in a way that felt different from any other. Eventually, of course, my heart sank and I knew I didn't have any chance compared to her. She was flawless, generous, and everything that I wanted to be for you—but I was too late.

The way you both smiled at each other and shared your things together made me so envious, yet at the same time, I still had feelings that I couldn't let go for you. I continued to stare at you from time to time at school, sometimes even smile along whenever you smiled.

I regret not talking to you. I regret not making my move on you before you left to say goodbye. I regret saying goodbye to you, especially.

Thank you for being a part of my life, Matthieu. I miss you.