Very Much Alive-Frerard Oneshot-

-This is just a fluff oneshot (hurt/comfort).No trigger warnings,just mentions of alcoholism and a brief mention of drugs.-

Do you ever feel so deeply hurt inside that you want to cry,but no tears can be formed because your also so emotionally exhausted?

So badly wounded,your only thought is that you want to curl up in the comfort of you bed and never awake in the morning?

Not necessarily die,but to just simply quit existing?

To feel so broken inside but to force a smile that never reaches your eyes anymore,but not even the people closest to you seem to realize something is horribly wrong?

Even worse,to feel that broken to the point you feel as if there is nobody left who can save you from yourself.

Not this time.

This time your demons have you and you know your not strong enough to win the internal battle.

Many people find Gerard Way a hero,a inspiration.

He's had 15 year old girls sob in his arms,thanking him for helping them stop their own demons from taking their lives.

He's had 17 year old boys hug him and smile,marks from abuse and bullying nothing but faded scars on their bodies because My Chemical Romance helped them find their voices and stand up for themselves.

But Gerard knew he was not a hero.

He was just a man,trying to send a message to people and say what he felt needed to be heard through his music.

The only thing he could even consider 'inspirational' was the fact he had managed to given up drugs and alcohol.

But its not like he had done it alone,it was the band that had saved him.

Sometimes he felt as if people forgot that.

Most of the time it seemed as if the band forgot that.

Mikey,Ray,Bob and Frank would talk about how 'strong' he was when asked about his addiction recovery.

But Gerard was only strong because he had them.

For a while Gerard felt as if he actually was better,as if he had fully recovered.

He felt genuinely happy.

But right now,staring out at the large crowd before him,cheering as music pounded out around them,he couldn't feel any worse.

It was painfully ironic as the words tumbled from his mouth automatically,

"It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing,"

Because honestly it was making his heart ache worse than it already was before performing.

How could all of these people look up to him?

Gerard didn't know what was wrong with him honestly.

About three weeks ago he had been happy.

But then there had been this cold feeling developing in his chest that he ignored,but as the days progressed it began to blossom into a major depressed emotion.

Tonight was the worst the feeling had been so far.

He felt as if he had gone back in time to his dark days.

The pain in his chest was back and he wanted nothing more than for it to stop.

Why had nobody noticed he was breaking yet?