thought bubbles ☹︎☺︎

take it.

I tell myself to sit there and take it. 

I tell myself that it will be over soon. 

I tell myself to let it happen, and to sit there and take it 

I was almost a year clean too. 

in two months

I would have accomplished something pretty big

but because I was too selfish

because I had a attitude

because I was respectful enough

because I could never live up to your standards

because I was too hot headed

because I was being myself, once more

I cut. again. 

and again. 

and again. 

and again. 

and yet

I told myself

to sit there and take it. 

I told myself

that it would be over soon

that the yelling

the crying

the pain

would stop

but I know better

I know that it won't end

as long as I keep being her daughter

as long as I keep being myself

it won't end

I will never be good enough

I couldn't breathe

I thought I was going to go into overdrive

my body was shaking

my hands were trembling

my lungs weren't receiving as much air as it needed too

I thought 

this could be it

this is how

God takes me home

but then I pulled myself out of it

I told myself to take deep breaths

because nobody was there to do it for me

she would have just told me to suck it up

and every-time this happens

I tell myself

to sit there

and 

fucking

take it