most the time i wish nothing existed (an error!sans mamacq alternative ending)

0.3

Ink stands up and walks up to Com. Out the corner of my eye I see her motion for Ink to talk with her away from me. Once they leave the room I turn off the game's sound, lean against the arm of the couch, and listen in as well as I could.

"How long has he been here?"

"Uhh, like an hour?" I feel like it's been longer than that, but I can't tell for sure. I hear shuffling of blankets in the closet as I assume aunt Com is looking for one for me. "Why?" ink questions with a bit of a quiver in his voice.

"He ran from home a week ago. He hasn't talked to his mom in almost two weeks. We need to help him." she said all of this in a quieter tone. I scoot closer to hear and now I'm in view of ink.

"I mean, I agree and all but mom, what are you planning on doing exactly?" he rolls his hands in a circle and tilts his head. Aunt Com sighs.

"I plan on doing what I have to. Ask him to sleep over would you?" Ink seems hesitant with his mom's tone but shrugs none the less and heads back to the couch. I scramble to turn on the sound and sit back in my seat before he gets back. Ink plops into the seat next to me.

"Wanna sleepover tonight?" he grabs the controller and continues the game. I swing my feet while picking at the fabric under my arm. I hesitate to answer him. I mean, I guess I could? I suddenly feel a chilled hand or something on my arm. I shudder and look at the spot to find nothing. Surprised I rub my arm heating it back up.

"...Sure." My head starts racing about trivial things. What if they make me go back to my house? Or maybe send be back to the hospital. They could try to kill me in my sleep if I stayed right? All of this is ridiculous and I know it, but it keeps gnawing at me. Com and Ink love me like their own family, they wouldn't hurt me. I relay that to myself over and over in my head, but why should they love someone as scatter brained as me? I shake my head and look to the being that's subtle inhaling is making me even colder. "Ink, c-can I talk for a second?"

"Shoot," turning his attention to me and deciding to lay his head on the couch's arm and blanket my lap with his legs like I'm his therapist or something.

"I don't know what to do, it's all my fault that Geno's gone. I need your help to... you know, fix it?" I look over expectantly. His brow crunches up as he bites his lip. He puts both his hands over his head hanging them off the couch and closes his eyes for a second looking exasperated.

"Okay, first of all it's not your fault. He was sick before you were even born. It was amazing he hung in there as long as he did. You know that don't ya? And second this can't be fixed because he's not coming back." I am shocked by how blunt he was. Even if he is wrong I start shaking.

"But Ink, y-you always help me to fix my messes!" anytime I hurt anyone, or break something he knows exactly how to handle it. How dare he refuse to help the only time it's actually important.

"This isn't your mess!" he laughs. "I know you miss him. I miss him! But you knew this was coming!" He retracts his legs back to his side of the couch. I shudder so violently I might crash. 'Not my mess' like hell it's not. I snap my head towards Ink.

"I saw his damn soul shatter right in front of me. He's the only person who cares about me. You have NO idea how alone I am and don't pretend you do. Just gather the shards and glue it together like that f###### vase we broke a year ago! It can't be that hard for you! You can fix literally anything." he sits up and looks me strait in the eye making me incredibly uncomfortable.

"It's not 'hard' it's impossible. I care about you error. Me! You're my best friend remember?! Acting like I'm nothing but a hollow shell that pretends to like you and pretends to enjoy talking to you is a really sucky thing to say! And I'm not just here to clean your messes okay?" His cheeks flush with color as he glares at me.

"Good thing I didn't say that hmmm!?" Ink opens his mouth to shout back, but aunt com puts a hand on his shoulder pulling him away. I pull my legs up to my chest and look away. Ready to be scolded like I always am.

"That's enough of that, go to your room, Ink. Error's having a hard time and you're making it worse. You know better."

"I'm just telling him how it is ma!" Com gives him a look to say 'I'm serious' and Ink gets more upset. Ink tries to stand up but is pulled back down by me. I didn't even realize I had his sleeve in my hand but I wouldn't let go. Aunt Com looks at me holding Ink.

"Honey please let go. Ink should think about his words more. He'll come back to be with you in half an hour." I don't let go.

"It's fine," I mumble out. "I started it anyway." My turrets got in the way of my words but they were understandable. Com gives a little sigh and nods.

"Just... Be nice you two. Okay?" She walks back to her office room. I watch her leave and right after she's gone Ink folds his arms and glares at me. In a quiet voice he continues the conversation.

"Error, bud, I love you k? I want you to be happy but this is something you have to accept. He's gone. Having him around as long as we had him was amazing. That's over though. Okay?" I feel my face scrunch into a scowl. You pretend to have the life you want constantly. You pretend everything's perfect, and make up friends places and things for yourself. I can't have any of that? You're being unfair and I hate it. I can't find the words to express any of this to him though. I just shake my head dig my fingers into the couch's fabric keeping quiet.

----

The front room starts to lose its shade of purple and sinks into a navy blue. Ink fell asleep beside me and I am in the worst company imaginable. That being myself. I've been staring out the window for some time headlights passing every 2 minutes. People going home to their families after a day of work which they'd rather die than have another of. Well some people I guess. I shouldn't pretend to understand others.

The crisp breeze pattering the opening of the window and greeting me inside the house smells so sweet it's tempting to sleep out there again. Night air might be the only thing that's kept me going lately. That's a dumb thing to say. 

Rubbing my head I pull my blanket up past my chin and curl up on my side of the couch burrowing my nose into the space between the cushion and the couch's arm. Ever sense Geno, I've not wanted to sleep. The stillness isn't welcome anymore but even so it sweeps over me and I'm gone until the morning.