(P.S. I Love You)

Letter To My Crush

Dear G,

I guess my crush started out in 6th grade when we were playing football in gym, but it wasn't until after you walked me down to the lunchroom I fell head over heels.

 So my number one goal that year was to try and get closer to you and after awkwardly giving it to you the first and last of our interaction with my number. 

Started up with you asking if we had any science homework and I said "No btw how do you have my number" which you and my self conscious responded "You gave it to me last year" and with my self concise a little more harsh "You idiot you handed it to him last year" while luckily you spared my embarrassment by not bring it up. 

I tried to leave "Subtle" hints that we should hang out more outside of school which I thing led to our relationship as semi friends to dissolve slowly to vague acquaintances over two years.

 I tried my hardest to retain our relationship and I have a feeling you knew about my crush as I am as discreet as a tight walking blue hippo. 

You probably knew I liked you when I gave you gifts for Valentines Day and Christmas and younger me was a tiny bit hurt when you didn't say thanks or even acknowledge the money I spent on you.

 Maybe it was that I was at your locker every day after school and maybe it was trying to talk to you when ever possible or it was my little smile when you actually said hi for once and it hurt me during the dance to hear some acquittances of my friend group talking about your crush on some other girl  it wasn't a feeling of heartbreak but I felt weird. 

I mean I would probably only choose me if we were the only two people on earth and I mean in the back of my head I always knew you didn't like me I admit I am annoying sometimes.

 Plus unlike every other person in the school my hair doesn't grow straight down and sometimes I wish if I had to be a minority I would want any other one because they don't have to damage their hair to get a job. 

Nether less this is my final goodbye because I understand that I probably only liked you cause you were nice. I came to understand that I just don't like anybody and  some part of me feels broken at the fact that I will never get to know the feeling of love.

Love or don't , 

A (P.S I don't love you)