sanctuary \\ minsung

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(SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE FOREVER SORRY TO ALL THOSE THAT HAVE WAITED AND TO THE NEW READERS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT)

Jisung had demanded to go back with both Woojin and Changbin, the second they had mentioned returning back to try to find Minho, though they still had no idea where he was. Chan had outright refused, not wanting him to go but Jisung wasn’t going to have it any other way, to which he too demanded to come. To his disliking, Changbin, had to go find – well steal, a horse in the town nearby, just so the two males could come along.

Jisung had been lost in his thoughts by the time Changbin had arrived back, closing himself off and refusing to talk to anyone. Which didn’t seem to matter considering both Woojin and Chan were now ignoring each other, refusing to even glance in either one's direction, too lost in their anger with one another to care about anyone else in the moment.

Jisung didn’t know what to do, his mind was reeling and his heart was aching. Minho being alive had been a real slap in the face and he didn’t know how to react, or how to feel. Was he happy that Minho was alive? He couldn’t tell. Was he angry? He didn’t know. Did he feel anything? Resentment? Maybe. Sadness? Probably. Hurt? Most likely. It was like feeling everything all at once, and nothing all at the same time. It was terribly troubling.

He didn’t know how he was going to react when he would find himself standing in front of Minho, a moment he had prayed to have just one last time over and over again since his death, but it was all a wasted effort. He mourned a death that never happened, he cried his eyes and lost most of his light for a person that was still breathing.

“Are you okay?” Changbin asked, hearing the younger's small strangled sob from behind him as they both sat upon his horse.

Jisung sniffed, wiping under his eyes, catching the tears that were still spilling from his eyes. “I don’t know.”

Changbin nodded, not pressing on further, knowing the boy was fighting with all the emotions he was feeling. Jisung closed his eyes, wanting nothing more for all his this to be over, he didn’t want to go through this, not again. Worry settled deep down in stomach as he thought about where Minho could be, it was the only feeling he was certain he was beginning to feel. That scared him because he didn’t want to feel anything, especially not when it came to Minho. He didn’t want to gain all the feeling he once had for Minho, to just lose him, again.

"Can you guys stop ignoring each other." Jisung heard Changbin groan which made him look up from where he sat behind the former guard, over to where Chan was sat with his arm crossed behind a grouchy Woojin. "And Chan put your arms around Woojin, you'll fall off at this rate."

Chan begrudgingly slid his arms around Woojin's waist, making the older one of the two freeze up but soon relaxed into his hold, both of them slightly snuggling each other but still refusing to talk. Changbin and Jisung both rolled their eyes. Jisung the one to let out an unpleasant grunt of disaproval at the two.

"Jisung." Changbin mumbled, making their horse trail behind the other one, making sure the other two didn't hear their conversation.

"Hm?" Jisung hummed, really not wanting to talk but still replied in respect to older one.

"Do you hate Minho?" Changbin asked, glancing back quickly before looking forward again. "For you know... keeping this from you?"

"I... don't." Jisung answered, thinking about what Woojin had screamed at Chan before. "Did he really suffer a lot?"

Changbin sighed, his shoulders drooping. "Yeah. He did, for awhile his back wouldn't heal and from what I was told he'd have terrible nightmares which would make him rip open the wound over and over. I don't know too much because Woojin was the one looking after him and was only told bits and pieces. Minho made sure I wasn't told some things as well."

"Why would he though? Keep things from people that cared about him?" Jisung frowned, not liking the fact that he wasn't there for Minho, especially when he needed him most.

"Why do you think Jisung?" Changbin grumbled. "Look, I've known Minho for a long time, he's lived with a lot of shit on his shoulder's and he blames himself for how everything has turned out. For how is father treated him, for leaving his brothers behind and... for what happened to you. He's a broken man Jisung and so are you. So when you see him next, no matter what you feel at the time, whether you hate him or not, please, don't shout at him. That's one thing he won't be able to stand, not coming from you anyway."

Jisung stayed silent for the rest of the way which Changbin didn't mind, knowing that he had made him think bout what he had said. Soon enough they made it the house and before anyone noticed Jisung had flung himself off the horse and rushed inside the house, wanting to see the place Minho had been for so long.

The place was different from where Jisung had been staying, it was more dark and closed off, making it feel more cramped. Books scattered the house, as well as drawing utensils which Jisung knew belonged to Minho. He walked toward a table with a bunch of drawings stacked on top of one another, and his eyes widened as he saw what the drawing was, it was him. He picked it up staring at it and even though places were smudged it looked almost identical him. Glancing down, he saw another drawing of him and went to reach for it.

"Oh I see you've found his drawings." Woojin spoke, making Jisung turn to look at him with his blood shot eyes. "He spent most of his time drawing those, he made a promise to himself to never forget your face."

Jisung glanced back down at the stack of drawings, sucking his bottom lip. "Do you think he's okay? Wherever he is."

"Hopefully..." Woojin mumbled before motioning with his hand behind. "Changbin said he's going to go out searching again, Chan offered to go as well."

"Okay..." Jisung mumbled.

Woojin noticed Jisung's stiffness and he sighed, knowing that he should leave the boy alone to process everything.

“I'll go stand outside for a bit... oh and, Minho's room is over there.” Woojin smiled, pointing over to the slightly open sliding door to the right of him watching as Jisung's eyes followed to where he pointed before leaving to go outside.

Jisung eyes stayed on the door that led to Minho's room while he placed the drawing back down before he started to walk towards Minho's room. His breath hitched and he stopped just outside of the room, his heart palpitating in his chest. He slowly slid the door open and stepped in, his eyes sweeping the room almost choking on a sob as his eyes landed on a drawing of him and Minho kissing pinned on the wall next to Minho's bedding. He moved quickly toward it, scrambling on the bed and putting his fingers up to trace it.

“You fucking idiot.” Jisung mumbled, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed at the drawing, ripping it from the wall and crumbling in his hands and letting out a frustrated yell as he twisted around in the bed, throwing the crumbled paper across the room. “If you loved me so much why'd you leave me without you!?”

Jisung sobbed, grabbing at the blanket on the bed, beginning to clutch it to his chest as he curled into himself, laying down on the bed. The blanket let off a strong scent and Jisung lifted it to his nose, breathing in the familiar smell and sighed angrily. “God, Minho, all I ever needed was you...

"It's always been you."

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So this took way way way longer than expected and it may be a little shitty but lately life has been a mess, hope to get some more stuff out soon so please wait patiently.

Still thank you guys for those that have waited.

Love from AllyJ and Zeera