Making the turn

A sign

“Luck, is false hope. We constantly question the twists and turns life gives us, we even question the smooth paths that might come along. We satisfy ourselves by putting all the blame on our so called ‘luck’ when it is us who is to be responsible. We question all our lives, wasting time waiting for an answer for an unnecessary question. It’s so simple, it perplexes me how people never get it, if you get something it’s because you deserve it, not because it was your luck. If life gives you something accept it, don’t question it but also remember not to take it for granted. You only get what you’re worthy of even when it comes down to the hardships that come you’re way. Never rely on luck, luck gets you know where, effort does and it stays with you only as long as you keep working for it,  glue this idea into your mind and you can conquer the world”

These were the words my father said when he sat me down next to him a few weeks before the beginning of ninth grade. In some parts of the world ninth grade would be the beginning of high school, for me it was going to be my first year as an o’level student which was equivalent to being a freshman at high school. Which was something big considering how whatever I did would effect my future career from then on-wards. My father might not have been the ‘ideal dad’ but he was a caring one for sure.

It was one of the few times my father ever asked me to sit next to him while he would give me little pieces of what his mysterious yet wise mind contained. He only did so on special occasions, occasions my mother dreamt of and looked forward to seeing but never got to. Usually my father would also slightly mention her but that time he did not do so, possibly trying to say, ‘it’s time to move on son’, I did not require him to remember her anyway, where moving on was concerned I could not for she was so  deeply embedded in my mind, heart and soul that she was inextricable.

What Baba said, got me thinking so many things at once, it made my head hurt, did my mother really deserve not being able to see what she dreamt her whole life about? Was she some kind of sick person? Or maybe she deserved better? Maybe She deserved to see all those special occasions from the best view possible? And maybe just maybe she dreamt of her husband and son finally bonding for my father had given me the cold shoulder from the very beginning?  I chose and I still choose the latter, I believe in her and the fact that ‘believe’ will never turn into ‘believed’.

*****

With the words freshly inculcated into my mind I went to the local book store only to find salma there. I didn’t know how to act, casual or clueless? Because I knew her but not enough to say ‘hi’ and what were the chances of her actually noticing me as much as I did during the summer camp at the start of our summer vacations? It had been a month and a half since I’d seen her, even if she did notice, she would’ve probably forgotten about me by then I thought to my myself.

She looked different, that marked the start of a long 3 year journey of transforming herself into the person she was at our farewell. I remember our eyes meeting and the fire between us was too bright to last for long which is why we looked away in unison.

Calling that incident a coincidence would be an understatement. Baba talked about conquering the world after which I saw salma, the girl who soon became my world, the one I wanted to conquer. That awkward sighting also marked the start of the long nights spent awake just thinking about her, just wondering if she even gave a fraction of a second to the thought of me. Was this some sort of sign? Was this the universe paying me back for all it put me through? I needed to know but mostly I needed to do everything I could to make sure she stayed. My love for her made me a better person, she brought out the best in me, what else would you want in someone?

***** 

But there were still questions to be answered such as, how did Salma and I actually bond? What was it like talking to her for the first time? That reminded me of another set of beautiful memories, ones that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, ones I'm proud of, even today.. .