Treat You Better - Grethan

Part 14 - Divulge

Grayson's POV:

I was home alone, as usual, and I was watching Netflix. I had recently started watching Riverdale and I was extremely into it from episode 1. I had literally binged watched all of season one and a couple episodes of season 2 in a matter of hours. I had nothing better to do anyways. It's not like I had someone who wanted to hang out with me. Well, just Aston, but I don't know I don't talk to him anymore. Not after that whole "blowjob" incident. I wish I should erase that out of existence but I can't. I was watching Riverdale on the big TV and of course, a sex scene came up. And of course, right when that scene is happening, Ethan walks through the door. I turned around to see who it was because I hadn't locked the door and I didn't wanna get murdered. Well actually.... just kidding. We didn't say anything to each other, and we just kept on doing our own thing. 

-

An hour later, I was making some brownies, Ethan's favorite. When they were done cooling off, I decided to go over to Ethan's room and tell him that I had made some brownies. Maybe he wasn't mad at me. I went upstairs and walked over to his room, knocking on the door, hoping to get an answer from him. I knocked and the door opened a little bit, revealing his room. 

"Ethan?" I asked as I slowly poked my head in, but there was no answer. I slowly made my way into his room and walked around. "Ethan?" I called out again and to be honest, I had no idea why. If he wasn't there the first time I said his name, he wasn't gonna be there any other time. I walked over and sat on his bed. I then realized that I had a long time without being in his bed and I kind of missed it. I missed this whole thing. I missed him. It hurts me to see the man I love be with someone who is hurting him behind his back. I bounced a little bit in his bed when I heard something fall onto the floor. I looked over and noticed it was a notebook. I was confused and picked it up. Why does Ethan have this? I opened it and saw that the first few pages were completely filled with paragraphs and dates. Then, it clicked. It's a journal. I was eager to read it and, even though I'm not supposed to, I began reading it.

I can't sleep again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've literally been like this for the past 2 weeks and it's getting pretty annoying. I can feel myself become more and more frustrated with everyday things and all I really wanna do is lay down and finally get some sleep. But I can't. I always get up and get a drink of water, hoping that that would calm me down but it doesn't. My brain doesn't take a break. It keeps thinking about so many things. But only one subject is what is keeping me up all night. It's him. My thoughts on him are what are mostly causing me to lie awake at night. To toss and to turn for endless hours. But, what can I do? I can't tell him. At least, not yet. I do plan on telling him but I don't want him to suddenly begin to hate me or anything like that. I rather stay like this than to lose our unbreakable bond. 

I paused and began to think of who this person could be. I was sort of getting the impression it was me because of how he would describe the mystery man on other pages. But there's no possible way that Ethan could ever love me back.

I was finally able to get some sleep at night. And I have to thank Grayson for that. He helped me calm down, forget all my worries, forget all the thoughts that are always racing around my head. He really cares about me, I can see it. We have this bond that always keeps us together. Through thick and thin, Gray and I are always together and always support each other. That's why I have decided to tell him the truth. Not the whole truth, but part of it at least. I don't want to be hiding anything from him for much longer, and this is a good first step. The other part, I think, can wait a little bit longer. I don't want to ruin our relationship right now.

I told Grayson. I told him I was gay and he took it quite well, as expected. I know he wouldn't hurt me or abandon be over that. My real concern is the other thing. How the hell am I supposed to tell Grayson, my twin brother, my other half, that I am in love with him?

I stopped reading. I couldn't believe this. I re-read that part.

How the hell am I supposed to tell Grayson, my twin brother, my other half, that I am in love with him?

"Yes!" I yelled, covering my mouth afterwards. I hope he didn't hear me, wherever he is. This means that I have a chance. A chance to prove to him that he deserves to be with me. I skipped through some pages and read the parts where I saw my name.

I've realized that with everyday that passed, my love for Grayson only gets bigger and bigger, and I fear that soon enough, I'm gonna do something that will destroy what we have. I have to tell him. Sooner or later. If I don't, he's gonna find out eventually. How? Who knows. But I'm sure he will. I've been in love with him for years now, and if you ask for a specific number, I wouldn't know what to tell you. I think it's been around 4 but I'm not sure. I just hope he doesn't find out before I tell him.

I was going to tell Grayson today, but I chickened out last minute. I really don't want to ruin what we have and if I tell him, I know I will. I'll just wait a while longer. Besides, he doesn't love me back. Not in that way anyways. I've been dropping hints but he doesn't catch on. If he were to even feel the slightest bit of love towards me, there's no way he couldn't catch on. But he doesn't so..

I have good news! I can finally say that I am no longer in love with Grayson...

I stopped reading and re read that last part of the sentence.

No longer in love with Grayson.

I stopped reading completely and felt my heart break into a million pieces, and I felt those million pieces scatter all over the floor. I can't believe it. Ethan once loved me. But he lost those feelings because I was stupid enough to ignore his hints. His ways of slowly telling me that he loved me. I couldn't believe it. I was an actual idiot. I felt tears fall down my cheeks and I heard a door open down the hall. It was the bathroom door. Oh shit, Ethan was showering. I shot up and shoved the notebook where it was before, stepping away from the bed. Ethan walked in, with a towel around his waist, just staring at me. 

"Grayson, what the hell are you doing in my room?" Ethan asked, throwing his clothes at me. I began crying as I dodged them.

"I'm sorry.." I let out. Being honest, I didn't know exactly why I said sorry. I just did.

"You're sorry? Sorry of what? You didn't seem sorry when you threw that glass at me and Aidan," He spat, getting closer to me. I began crying harder as he got closer and closer, yelling at me. "You don't care about hurting anybody do you? What's your problem with him anyways?" He asked, standing in front of me. 

"I-I'm just jealous.... he's al-always with you and I-I-I'm just there.... replaced and forgotten..." I let out, wiping my tears. He raised and eyebrow and he wiped my new tears away. 

"Jealous? Jealous of what Grayson. You know that no matter what, you're the most important person in my life. Just because I don't hang out with you anymore doesn't mean I replaced you," He said, smiling. I'm glad he got more calmer and wasn't yelling at me.

"It's just that....." I trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I stopped right there cause the next words were gonna be 'I'm in love with you'. 

"It's just that what?" Ethan asked, turning his head slightly to the right. I closed my eyes and felt some more tears fall out. Why am I so weak? I just sighed and ran out the room, leaving a bewildered Ethan standing alone in his room. I couldn't do it. I can't. Not yet.

-- 

What's up guys!

I don't like this chapter lol I might just re-write it some other time. My #1 priority is to finish this book and then I can edit it because if I begin editing it all now then I'm never gonna finish this lmao

(If you don't know what the word is feel free to go on the great god google)

Hope you all enjoyed this and hope you all have a nice day!

~N