Anxious

Prologue

Sitting on your bed in your room staring at the ceiling isn't usually the most exciting thing to do on your free Saturday. Most teenagers would be out enjoying the day with friends having fun, but not me. Numb and feeling less isn't normal either but it's become a routine for me to lay down on my bed depressed over absolutely nothing.

It's the pills I take. They control every aspect of my anxiety ridden mind. Disappointing your mum when you flush them down the toilet when she's not looking, or hiding them at the top of your mouth so when she turns around you spit them out. Avoiding human beings in general so you don't have to panick ever second you use your words praying you don't sound like a loonatic. Counting your spare change 50 times to make sure you have enough money. Not wanting to leave your bed in the morning to avoid your heart racing 100 miles an hour every second of the passing day just to go back to bed and do it all over again.

It routine for me and as silly as it sounds I feel as though I have to choose between depression or anxiety. If i take the pills I feel absolutely numb and tired. If I don't I feel scared and dizzy all day. I don't know what I'm doing but at this point all I'm trying to do is get through the day and make it home to bed in one piece.

"Ashley!, come downstairs I want you to meet someone". There it goes my heart racing and my hands trembling. Knowing I have to go downstairs and meet a new person sets me off easier than anything else and there's nothing I can do to control it.

Brushing my shaking fingertips down the wood railing as I slowly walk downstairs I breathe in and out slowly to ease my nerves. Calming down the slightest bit I repeat the Action and walk into the kitchen to see my mum and a friendly looking middle aged woman talking and smiling.

My mum has always found it easy to talk to people and She's never understood my anxiety. She thinks I can just pop a pill and I'll be good as new but that's not how it works. I've always felt like a dissatisfaction to her and I try my hardest to please her with my actions but I've never felt like a good enough daughter.

" there you are come say hello to my new friend, Angela" angela extends her hand and and shakes mine while I mutter a shy "hi" to her.

" hello" she says and before I can retreat back to my bedroom a tall dark haired boy makes his way into the kitchen sending my heart rate through the roof again.

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This is chapter one. Hope you enjoyed. It would mean a lot for you to tap the star and comment! ❤️❤️