Gone but Never Forgotten

The phrase "Ignore it and it will go away" does not work when you are falling thirty thousand feet to your death. Trust me on this one.

When Abi tells me we are going to Mexico for my twenty-second birthday I'm more than excited. I've never travelled overseas with Abi. I've always wanted to show her the world but never got a chance. We've left our sydney street apartment only twice before for big trips but still, they were only cross state, nothing as big as this. I've gone alone overseas before and with my family too a few times but Mexico is new. We can discover it together and it'll be the perfect opportunity to propose to her. Abi's the best girlfriend I could ask for and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We've been together since grade 10 in school which is surprising really, high school sweethearts and all. We bought an apartment together the year after we finished school which my parents weren't too happy about since we were only 18 but to their surprise, it worked out wonderfully. Our relationship is great. We rarely have fights and if we do, they're only little quarrels and are fixed within a day. She's perfect and I'm so in love with her.

I pack my clothes and towels and everything else I will need for two months in Mexico. Abi packs her stuff too. We are leaving for the airport tomorrow and I can't wait.
"So what do you think?" Asks Abi with a smile on her face.
"I think you're amazing and I'm so lucky to have you." I reply. She smiles and blushes. We keep packing until we are certain we have everything. With our bags packed and by our bed, it's nine o'clock and we have a big day tomorrow.

My alarm wakes us up at 8 o'clock. I get up and make waffles for breakfast. I set the table with the waffles, a bowl of mixed berries, whipped cream and two coffees. Abi walks out of the bedroom and sits at the table as I sit with her.
"Waffles, good choice." She says with the big smile on her face that is almost always there.
"Thanks, I had a feeling that would be your choice." I laugh.
We eat and talk and eat and talk until the waffles, berries, cream and coffee is gone.
"You go get ready and I'll load the dishwasher," I say.
"Thanks Noah," she smiles.
I finish with the dishes and go into our room to get dressed. Abi walks out with her long, blonde hair in a half up- half down style, a black tee shirt dress with a red and black plaid jacket tied around her waist. She sits on the bed and slides on her white Converse.
"You look so beautiful," I compliment as I sit next to her, kissing her forehead.
"And what are you wearing?" She laughs.
"No clue," I say.
"Right then, let me fix something up for you." She giggles and walks into the walk in wardrobe and picks out a long, blue tie dye shirt, grey ripped jeans and black vans.
"Here," she says, "put this on."
I get changed and go into the bathroom to do my hair, it's not a long process. I put wax into my brown hair which is medium length at the top and short on the sides and walk back out to show Abi.
"You do well." I chuckle.
"You wear well," she replies.

We leave at ten thirty because our flight leaves at twelve and it takes nearly thirty minutes to get from the apartment on Kent street to the airport. There's a bit of traffic so we get there in forty minutes. We get our tickets, put our bags in the bagging area, go through the x-rays and wait for the plane to board. We hear the callout for our flight right on time. We are almost first to board so we don't have to push through everyone. Abi sits at the window seat and I sit next to her, an old lady sitting next to me. The pilot and flight attendants go through all the safety things and everything else they want to say and we are off. Speeding down the runway, lifting off, higher and higher until we pass the clouds. Abi grabs me hand and holds it in hers. I can tell she's nervous, she's never done this sort of stuff before. I kiss her hand and tell her it'll be alright. She calms down and relaxes. The interesting part of the flight is over for another twenty one hours.
"Did you know we have to cross the Pacific Ocean?" Abi asks, breaking the silence between us.
"No, I didn't. Someone's been doing their research."
"Yes, they have." She giggles.
I sleep most of the way after that until I get woken by violent shaking.
"What's happening?!" Abi screams. I see the panic, the traumar, the fear in her eyes.
"Turbulence," I say, trying to sound calm but failing, "It's okay, calm down."
"I'm scared Noah, I'm really, really scared." She holds my hand tight and doesn't let go. I know this is more than turbulence. I know this is bad. Before I can say anything more the pilot talks over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to panic, I would just like to inform you that one of our engines does not appear to be operating correctly. At this stage it looks like I'm going to have to land the plane on the ocean. The oxygen masks will be dropping soon, please insure that you affix your own before helping those around you and once again there is no need to panic. The flight attendants will assist you if you need." The sound of the speaker goes out and everything is silent for a split second before going into complete chaos. I try to put my oxygen mask on as soon as possible when I notice Abi hyperventilating. She is in deep distress. I drop my mask and help her put hers on. I tell her to take deep breaths and that it will be okay but I know it won't be. I put my mask on and grab Abi's hand tight. Suddenly, the flight attendants rush through the cockpit with their life jackets on, strapping themselves in the first row. The voiceover comes again, a lot less calm the pilot yells, "We're going down!" No silence, no pause, everyone on the plane finds their life jackets without instruction, slides them on and inflates them. I know we are going down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I know Abi knows too. She is silent. I am silent. We are surrounded by screams. The old lady next to me has passed out. I shake her and shake her until a little colour comes back to her face. I slide the oxygen mask over her face and help her put on the life jacket. She gains consciousness and is terrified. "It'll be okay." I say. I grab her hand and hold it in mine just as I am holding Abi's in my left hand. We are going down, faster and faster, harder and harder, louder and louder, fiercer and fiercer, then, I know it's over. Everything goes silent. I'm floating, my vision is blurry but it doesn't feel like air, or ground. Because it's not. It's water. Wherever I am I need to find the top. I go up. Unsure which way is exactly up, I go with my gut instinct. I reach the top of the water and breath. Just breath. Relieved to feel the air, to consume the oxygen I once thought was gone. For a minute, I forget. Forget what has happened. Forget people, places, circumstances. Until something inside me snaps me back into reality. Abi. Where is Abi!? I look around and all I can see is a vast ocean, a shatter plane and floating, lifeless bodies. The pilot, still in uniform but missing his hat, his head bloody. The kids, those poor kids and their parents. The old lady who was sitting next to me, her neck snapped. I feel nothing. Not sadness, not grief, simply nothing. Like I'm empty. And then I see it. Her body. In perfect shape but some blood on her clothes. My love, Abigail Rogers. Dead. Everyone is gone. Abi is gone. And I'm not. I couldn't help it but still I feel so selfish.