You first touched me at nine
My heart was pounding and i thought it was love
Your lips touched mine
But I didnt want this
I wanted my first time to be special
Many years older than I
And you still told me I was ugly
After all you did
you left me worthless
Through the years my heart breaks, slowly
My weight is your problem
My face is redder than ever
But I still smile
Even when you tell me
I was prettier at nine
And I should have seen what you were
Your hands were the same
Still bigger than mine
But even colder than before
This time you push it a little farther
Touching areas i had yet to explore
I think you froze me in time for a while
No movement from my end
Yet you continue your actions
I am fifteen and you tell me ive grown
My chest is crushing under the weight
All i can think about is the last time i saw you
Cold hands and bad breath
You do it again
But you take it too far
I try to scream but again
You have frozen me in place
Months later and im still afraid
If they dont believe me,
I will be left alone again
But if they do
I live through it all over
I havent seen your face since
But it still resigns in my brain
I become afraid to walk alone at night again
Back to a child
Fearful and cautious of men
And i see you after 6 months
You’ve shifted
Not a man anymore
But a woman i thought i could trust
You told me your story
The way he touched you
The way it hurt to remember
And I believed you
Months of trust built
And you smash it
A drunk night and as I sleep
I trust you to keep me safe
I dont remember the night
Flashing memories of shots
Hits from your bong and i was gone
But I wake up in your bed
Alone and scared i realize
Youve done it to me
He is in you
Your eyes the same
The cold hands
The air on my neck
Im too afraid to trust anymore
I feel your hands on me
I see your face in strangers
Im too afraid to live anymore
