In My Feelings

...Love...

Isn't it amazing when you are about to go to sleep and then you get told the worst news? I don't like living like this.. It's hard to continue on like nothing ever happened. I just wish the people who I love the most didn't have to go away so quickly. The people who just disappeared to never return.. I hate this feeling. In fact, I just hate the feeling of Love. At any moment it can leave you, break you, leave you completely speechless and broken forever. Everyday you cry and think if it's the day you want to end your suffering. Everyday someone has to bring it up. Every time you feel like forgetting you can never. You feel like you're just worthless and you can't do anything. You feel unwanted and unloved.. People will tell you it gets better, but I don't believe it will. My heart will always be broken. I can never find anyone as amazing as him.. I can never find anyone as PERFECT as him.. But it was my fault he left.. It always seems to be my fault right? This time it was proved and  I can't do a thing to fix it.. Not for me but for the people who didn't deserve it.. To be completely honest he can hate me for the rest of my life but he shouldn't leave all of his friends. I just wish that it wasn't him who had to start over. My life is completely ruined. I am just here forever.. Alone forever.. Forgotten by someone who said they would grow old with me. What is even the point? I'm unable to talk to anyone and I'm unable to do anything to get him back. Who knows maybe I should have been the one to disappear so at least he could be happy with everyone. He always deserves to be happy. No matter what he does I will always hope he gets happiness and he can do his best. I know he will. No matter what people say about him I will still stand up for him.. Even if he is gone. Because when I said I will love him no matter what I meant it.. So I still do. Of course it seems odd to. Even though he ended things doesn't mean I'm not going to stop fighting for what I love and believe in. But who really knows. I just have to keep moving forwards and do my best as well. I shouldn't let this stop me from doing great things. I should let this be a reminder to stay away from love as it is just a distraction.  It's different for everyone but this is just me. Have a nice life, even if it is without me.