Dark Waters

Take Off

My eyes scanned over the numerous unknown faces of the people standing ashore. People I'd never see again. People who would remain just empty faces and pretty smiles.

Humans were strange things, I thought . We knew how to love, how to hate, how to smile,how to frown, how to kill and how to give life. Our entire beings were contradictory, never knowing which side of the scale would tip and what decision we would make. Some wrong decisions had ended up in war and death, while some caused happiness and growth. It was just a matter of judgement. And judgement, as we all know, could easily be clouded.

As I heard the loud horn of the cruise ship echo around me, I held the railing tightly, looking out onto the land once again, to all the people waving goodbye to their loved ones, or maybe some were happy to see them go. Nonetheless, I had nobody to wave to, nobody to say goodbye to, nobody to miss.

I guess it was a good thing. I didn't have time for that. I was above that, I reassured myself nodding my head slightly at the thought. Taking a deep breath I turned around, my mind focusing on the waves crashing against the ship as I slowly felt the ship lurch off into the never ending sea. Capricorn. That was the name. Being one myself, I happened to be quite fond of it. It was a beauty,taking my breath away with all its intricate details. Amazing wood railings, a giant outdoor swimming pool, and that was only what I could see. I couldn't wait to venture off inside to see what more there was to offer. Serious Titanic vibes.

I started to walk around the deck taking everything in. Seeing people from all over the world, different ethnicities, different cultures, different ways of life, yet all on the same journey to no particular destination.

What are you doing on this boat Tina? An abrupt thought shot through me. Looking around that those same people, I realized something they all had in common. Everyone had a companion. Someone to talk to. Someone to hold hands with. Someone to look to. a mother and her daughter. A family of four. A pair of lovers. A group of friends. With an overwhelming feeling it seemed to hit me that I was alone. I was alone on this damn cruise for no good reason except that I needed an escape from my routine life. Suddenly everything around me just seemed like a bad idea and I had the sudden urge to jump off and go back. Go back to my home. Go back to my bubble. Go back to my job. How the hell did I make this decision anyways?!
But I couldn't.
What I would gain from that? I recalled someone long ago, someone who's face barely came to my memory now but their words came easily; "Tina, once you decide to jump you can't go back. It's gravity. And no one can fight that" was what he had said. And I knew I couldn't go back. I would be disappointed at my cowardliness. I had put too much money aside for this ticket and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to spend it right. I pushed the thought aside and told myself that if you wanted to get someplace good, you had to leave someplace familiar. Leave your " regular".
Nope, no turning back now.
And plus,
I didn't know how to swim.