Living As Jaye

Hello Again

To be back home felt weird. Of course no one in my world knew of anything that happened to me; hell, they didn't even know Ryan existed. When I left home after everything happened at school, I became a ghost. I hadn't seen my family in over a year. They surprisingly welcomed me back and it felt nice to feel somewhat normal. To hear my siblings argue with one another, my mom just burst into my room without knocking...it felt like home.

The downfall of coming home was I was now accustomed to having whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. I never kept a dime of the money I made for Ryan but he made sure everything I wanted and needed was supplied. Ryan was back and forth from his home to Florida for whatever business he had to deal with so I was left to my own devices. I would go online and make my own dates. They weren't giving me as much as Ryan's friends but it was enough to cover my essential needs. I would go weeks at a time not hearing from Ryan and I was afraid to start an argument or ask questions. I was feeling more and more abandoned by him and despite every single thing he did or allowed, I missed him terribly.

One night, I set up a date with a guy. He told me to meet him at a hotel not too far from where I lived. He texted me the room number and when I arrived, I didn't even get a chance to knock on the door before it opened...and there stood Ryan.

I walked in and joked that he didn't need an appointment to see me. "Did I tell you to make your own appointments? I expect better than to see you on fucking Craigslist." He had that look in his eye that I would see before he would hurt me. I told myself that if he's smart, he won't try anything that would make me scream and get the attention of anyone who was near. "Where have you even been Ryan? I haven't seen you in two months and I needed money! Where's all the shit I made for you with your rapist friends huh?" I never talked to him in that way and he didn't take that kindly.

***The remainder of this story will contain trigger material***

If this is not something you want to continue reading, please skip the remainder of this chapter and go to Becoming Jaye: Part 13. This part of the story deals the following themes and situations:

Domestic violence

He punched me repeatedly and kicked me while I was on the floor. "You aren't shit Shannon. Remember who made you." He pulled out his penis and proceeded to piss on me, literally. He pulled out a box cutter and looked at me. "You know why you are so popular Shannon?" He asked as he cut my shirt open. "Because you are a triple D. I mean, who doesn't like big, beautiful, brown tits?" He asked as he cut my bra down the middle, exposing my breasts. "Since you think you can do this on your own, you need to make sure you will find men willing to pay for your now ugly tits." I was moments away from asking what that meant when he started cutting into my skin. I wanted to scream but he held my throat tightly. He then proceeded to light an entire pack of cigarettes and put them out on my chest.

"When I tell you to, I want to pick at the sores. Make them bleed, and everything. I'll be checking. You need to trust me Shannon. One of these days, you're going to make me do something I'm really going to regret if you don't watch that fucking mouth."

He got up and left the room. I laid there for 30 minutes or so before I felt safe enough to move. I walked out and went home.