Shadowkissed (A Hemlock Grove fan fiction)

the unbecoming of macy holcombe

Macy throws herself into schoolwork and her internship like nothing else in the entire world matters—because, in a way, nothing else does. She hardly sees her family, and if she still had friends then she'd probably never see them either. She goes to school in the morning, then to work, then comes home and holes herself up in her room until lights out. Almost a month has passed since the start of school; she's top of her class again despite last year's . . . setbacks, and no one dares contradict it. She'll be valedictorian by the end of the year. They're all convinced she's better now, that the grief has finally subsided and she's moving on with her life. If only they knew that she's only learned how to control it, how to grieve privately, not publicly.

The truth is that it's not anyone's doing that's making her feel better—at least, not knowingly. It's seeing Roman in her dreams that has been getting her through grueling dinners at home and classes she could care less about. When she wakes up in the morning after having spent a wonderful time with him in some imaginary place, she feels renewed. Her pace is a little faster; her heart pumps more strongly. She actually eats the food her mother makes for breakfast, food that went untouched and shoveled into the trash can for months. She rises early and goes to bed almost two hours earlier than usual, because it gives her more time to dream.

She knows it isn't real, but her time in dreamland with Roman is the only time she can vent about things. Even if it's all in her head it still feels good to get it all out there. She tells him all about her childhood, about Tyler and her parents, even Jenny and their friends, though she does try to avoid the topic of the night Jenny died. It feels too fresh in her mind, and talking about it makes it real.

Seeing Roman in real life, however, is much less interesting. On the rare occasion he stops by the laboratory to speak with Dr. Pryce, she receives a brief nod at most. And that's to be expected—as an intern, it's almost strange that she gets acknowledged by the head of Godfrey Industries at all. But after all the time they've spent together in her head—unbeknownst to Roman himself—it almost feels like a slight.

She knows it's pointless to be so fascinated by someone—or, at least, some rational part of her must. But it's like she can't keep her mind off him. Every instant since that first night she dreamed of him in the trees behind her Grandpa's old house has been consumed by the image of Roman Godfrey and every little detail about him she's overlooked over the years. Macy had never been able to understand the way Jenny used to talk about Roman as though he was the only boy she'd ever been in momentary love with, but now she does. She gets it completely. And she feels so completely stupid because of it.

Sometime in mid-October, when the trees are covered in brightly-colored leaves and everything at the store is pumpkin-spice-flavored somethings, Macy gets a new lab partner. She's seen Naomi Collins in a few of her other classes this year, though they've never socialized. Naomi has pale pink hair, a nose-ring, and wears all black everything, even in the summer. Cornelia used to call her Walking Death.

"You're working here now too?" Macy asks after Pryce brings Naomi over to their now-shared cubicle and introduces her.

The girl gives her a look with half-lidded eyes. "Try not to sound so utterly surprised, Holcombe. Just because I look like I could kick your ass doesn't mean I have any less brain cells than you do."

Macy splutters, trying incompetently to think of an appropriate reply. It's true that she hadn't exactly pegged Naomi for the type to work in a place like the White Tower, but now that she's been called out on her prejudices she can't think of a way to get herself out of sounding like a complete asshole. Finally she just says, "Well, glad to have you on the team. We certainly need more estrogen around here."

Naomi nods fiercely at that. "Ain't that the truth. You know, when I got in here the guy at the front desk was going to try to send me upstairs to the reception area? Like just because I'm a girl, that means I can't possibly be working in the labs." She snorts. "What misogynistic cretins. I feel stupid just looking at some of them."