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Dear Happiness

HEY THE FOLLOWING HAS TO DO WITH DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

06/01/2018

Dear Happiness,

I saw you today! We were getting our classes. I heard that you and I got some of the same classes! Won't that be great? I miss you! Will you notice me?

Love,

Jaemin

06/12/2018

Dear Happiness,

I miss you. I really do, sometimes I think about all the great times you and I had together. Then I become sad. I wish you and I were friends. Will you ever come back and make me feel whole again?

Love,

Jaemin

07/15/2018

Dear Happiness,

I saw you today, you were walking around with that new boyfriend of yours. He seemed nice and he's better looking than me, so I understand why you broke up with me to date him. I'm not mad at you any more I'm happy for you. Are you happy?

Love,

Jaemin

07/20/2018

Dear Happiness,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend broke up with you, but I understand that you got my note! I knew that he was cheating on you. He tried to hook up with me, but I refused. I didn't want to hurt you. It'll get better! Trust me, I should know. Did you know?

Love,

Jaemin

08/12/2018

Dear Happiness,

I'm hurting again. How do I make it stop?

Love,

Jaemin

08/25/2018

Dear Happiness,

We talked today. It was nice to talk again. You made me feel whole again, but I see you got back with your cheating ex. I'm sad to see that but if you're happy, I'll be happy for you! Aren't you hurt?

Love,

Jaemin

09/15/2018

Dear Happiness,

The voices are saying things again. They made me hurt again. You never understood, but you tried. I haven't met anyone who tried to understand. They just made fun of me. I hope you're happy with your boyfriend. I never liked him though he was way too rude to me. You always told him off when he made fun of my scars. What happened to that?

Hurting,

Jaemin

09/26/2018

Dear Happiness,

Your boyfriend made fun of my scars again and you just stood there and said nothing. Do you really hate me that much? I thought you were different. What changed?

Hurting,

Jaemin

10/26/2018

Dear Happiness,

I feel worthless. Am I worthless?

Love,

Jaemin

11/25/2018

Dear Jeno,

I'm writing to say that I love you I always have and always will. You were my happiness. You were my bright light, but it seems like that light has gone out. I'll tell my brother to give you my notes that I wrote to you and I want to tell you that you did nothing wrong. I'm sick. I'm alone. I'm hurt.

Forever yours,

Jaemin

Jaemin was found by his mother, overdosed on his sleeping medication. They couldn't revive him at the hospital. He was gone. He seemed to be at peace now. Jeno read these notes and cried for the longest time. He broke up with his boyfriend and visited Jaemin every day. He always apologized for the way he treated Jaemin those last few months. Years later Jeno passed on and asked to be buried next to Jaemin.  

A/N: Hey Y'all I'm fine. I just haven't been in the greatest headspace lately. I want to dedicate this story to my friend. Yes, it has to deal with suicide but I want to let you know that there are people out there that are willing to listen to you talk about your problems. I've been talking to one of my internet friends about my brain and how I feel about myself. I don't know if she's reading this. Thank you so very much. I don't know how to say things perfectly through words. I want you to know that I think you're a great person and I feel like our friendship isn't something superficial. Thank you so very much.