daughter of esmund

Five

A/N: ...Hi! Guess who's back! After some long thinking about my direction for the story and taking a break to work on other things, I have half developed a plot for the rest of the story and I'm ready to update it again! To prevent another burnout, this story will be posted biweekly now instead of weekly. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and if you do, please vote on it and leave a comment with some feedback! Thank you guys for being patient! - Joya <3 (PS. Rant warning towards the end)

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Annie's POV

I was running, but I wasn't moving.

I was screaming, but no sound escaped my mouth.

I was crying, but no tears ran down my face.

I feel like I've been here for hours, the same thing replaying over and over. It won't stop. I can't stop it. The images burned into my memory are coming back, the force of my own insecurities turning into the monsters which are torturing me endlessly.

In front of me was Vylad, Gene, and my limp body. I'd seen this scene the least, it wasn't burned in my memory but it was what my mind made up to fill in the gap of what I didn't remember from that day. That oh so painful day.

You can't trust him, the voice echoes again.

The voice is the worst of it. It's filled with hatred and doubt, breaking down the already small amount of trust I have for him... for Vylad.

What makes you think that he won't do it again? It questions.

One of the scenes plays again, the sword cutting across my abdomen, my screams, everything.

I try running again, but I don't move. I try screaming again, but no sound is created. I try to cry, but no tears developed.

You're too weak to admit it, it says, he's going to do it again.

No..he wouldn't..

You've been hurt so many times, why are you going to let yourself be hurt again?

I-I don't know..

Just admit it, he's going to get you back for causing all of this..

No..

You could've stopped this!

No!

This is still your fault!

NO!

This time, my scream is vocalized as everything faded to black. All I can hear the distant echo of my scream and the pounding of my heart in my chest.

"Annie! Wake up!"

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My eyes flicked open quickly as I screamed, someone's arms tightening around my shoulders as my nose brushes across something soft, it seems that they've been there for a while. I bury my head into the material and wrap my arms around them, gripping the fabric tightly and squeezing my eyes shut as I start to cry.

"Hey, it's okay, I got you, I got you," a familiar voice says in a soothing matter.

I open my eyes slightly to see the blurry image of a green shirt beneath my head, the familiar scent of someone wafting into my nose. Vylad.

He pulls me away until I'm able to look at him, his shaky hands resting on my shoulders. His face shows worry as I start to catch my breath, sniffing as I shake my head, clearing my mind of the horrors I had seen.

"Are you okay?" He asks, wiping a few stray tears from my eyes, his thumb grazing the top of my scar.

I shook my head, as I let out a quiet sob. He frowns, hugging me again, being gentle since his arm is closer to the bandages wrapped around my torso.

"You scared me, I woke up when I heard you screaming, you wouldn't stop," he says, sighing.

It's all your fault...

The words I heard repeat themselves in my head, accidentally causing an apology to slip out.

"I-I'm s-so-sorry," I say quietly.

"Don't be, it was just a nightmare-"

"No!" I yell pulling away, "no..I'm sorry about, I-I'm sorry a-about," I start to cry again.

His face washes over with worry again, "Annie, what are you sorry for, you didn't do anything."

"I-I'm sorry t-that I-I didn't l-li-listen to y-you when I, when I s-should've. A-all of this happened b-because of m-me, I wa-was selfish and t-thought I could w-win ag-against him b-bu-but I didn't and, y-you had to pay.." I say in between my cries.

His expression changes and softens as he seems to realize what I was talking about, "Annie,"

His voice cracks as I see tears well up in his eyes. He pulled me into his arms, cradling me gently, "Please, please, don't ever think that what happened was your fault. It hurts me to know that you've held this guilt for so long. It wasn't your fault. I promise you."

I continue to cry, wrapping my arms around him. I feel his arms wrap around me, causing me to wince as his hand brushed against my side. He jerks his hand back and places me back on the grass, "S-sorry, did I hurt you?"

I shook my head, "n-no, it's just, sore."

He nodded as he looked up to the sky. The stars are dimming as the velvet midnight sky is being replaced with the pinks and purples of morning. We sat in silence for a while, staring at the sunrise and thinking of what to say.

"W-why, did you stop him from getting to me?" I ask without thinking.

He turns to me, confused, "what?"

I took a deep breath, "You, stopped him from s-striking me again. W-why did you do that? I mean, it was my own fault-"

"Annie!" He yells, grabbing my shoulders, "I saved you because that's my job. I'm your older brother. I'm supposed to protect you. I saw the pain and fear on your face when you looked up, and, I just moved without thinking. I didn't realize my mistake until I was on the ground and you were beside me," he paused, sighing, "I realize that, I didn't protect you when I should have...and that is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Annie, no matter what trouble you get into, I will always be there to help."

A small smile forms on my face as he puts his arm around me allowing my head to rest on his shoulder, the familiar minty scent calming me as I close my eyes.

And for the first time in what seems like a lifetime, my mind is quiet. There are no questions of whether I'm guilty or not, no questioning of my mistakes, no... noise. Just the sound of the almost silent night air and my own breathing. I finally feel at peace.

It's taken me 17 years to finally bury the past, and learn to let go.

And after all of it, I know that those years shaped me, for the good and the bad. The years are responsible for every wound I've endeavored, every scar left on my body, every silent teardrop shed in the privacy of a dark room, every romance, every friendship, every enemy. Every single moment, has left it's impression. Something, that I wouldn't ever give up. I take a deep breath, and let the calmness of night send me softly to sleep.