Jokes, Jokes, And Oh Won't You Look At That, More Jokes

Pt. 41-50

41. Me: I hate you, you son of a b(beeeeeeeeeep)!!!!

Friend: Wait, what?!?!?!?!!

Me: Sorry my cat wrote that.

Friend: Ok.

Me: Wanna know something??

Friend: Sure.

Me: I dont have a cat. :)

42. Why I dont always end up breaking you in half. I dont want two of you around.

43. When people see Asian babies.

Aww... Shes so cute! She looks like her mom....

And her dad...

and her uncle. ....

and her aunt....

and her grandma....

and the rest of China...

44. So what do you do for a living?

I hunt and kill aliens.

What? Aliens aren't real, you retard.

Have you ever seen one?

No.

Your f*cking welcome.

45. Waiter: Did I keep you waiting long?

Me: No, but did you know that there are 32563 squares on the ceiling??

46. I need a six month vacation....

........twice a year...

47. I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like, "hey what are you doing here?"

And im just like "oh u know hunting elephants...the usual."

48. I like running with scissors....

...............they make me feel dangerous. *cue smug face

49. Hearing noises when your home alone and just accepting the fact that your gonna die.

50. Sometimes I pretend to be normal but then it gets boring so I go back to being me