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Entry 1

My name is Caleb, I've gone by many aliases over the years, but my real name remains the same. I've run from it for a long time because while I was Caleb, I still had to deal with the same issues, the same things stressing my mind. And when I made my first alias I realized I didn't have to deal with those events, I didn't have to face them in that moment, I was free to be my own entity. Now I realize that time of escape is over, I realize I can't keep running from my past, nor my present. I have many things in my life I'd like to forget. Loved ones that have died, people who have betrayed me. People who have misled me, manipulated me. Those that I have loved, yet cast me aside because I wasn't good enough, because I wasn't perfect. I will never be perfect. I will always carry the weight of my sins until the day I draw my last breath. And I shall anxiously await that glorious day, but for now it is time I face my demons, for I am tired of them weighting down my heart, and filling my mind with doubt. My name is Caleb, and I am not perfect. I have lied, I have stolen, I have manipulated others, I have done many atrocities that I hope whatever god is listening will forgive me for. I am on a path now that will hopefully help me stone for my sins, I may not ever make things right with those I have wronged but I hope one day that the world may be a better place because of me. I know when I die I will be sent to a pit of fire, and I am at peace with that, but I want to impact peoples lives in the best way possible before I go. Now I have many things that cause me pain on this day. I still love a woman I have known half my life. I bury this emotion, hoping it will die. I resent my maker, for the sins that even he bares, yet refuses to acknowledge. I am an addict of substance, one that is not illegal, but is just as likely to get me killed. I bare resentment to my kin for their flaws, because they see only mine. I bare many sins, and I shall take them to my grave for that is my penance. Yet I cannot help but pray that I shall be forgiven, not by god, but by my fellow man, for they are the only ones that will remember my name. My name is Caleb, and I am nothing but a grain of dust, floating in the wind, soon to be erased