I'm truly awful at writing letters.
My words become confusing, my sentences messy, and my emotions messier. It's hard admitting your feelings. Endless questions pop up, 'What if I ruin our friendship?', 'What if they don't feel the same way?', or even worse, 'What if they do?'.
You see, when I think about relationships, couples holding hands, laughing, staring into each other's eyes with looks of pure bliss, I get this feeling I can't explain. A feeling of bittersweet happiness, a perfect balance of envy and support.
But most of the time, I think of you. Pictures of you and I dance across my mind and my happiness grows. The envious ember inside me becomes a joyful flame, and that's when I realized I loved you. I realized that this whole time, it's been you.
I've seen so many rom-coms where the guy makes a grand gesture for the girl, and that's when she decides she's in love with him. Well, as many other aspects of those movies, it's nowhere near the same in real life. It's not the grand gestures that make me smile, it's the little things you do.
I don't know what it is that makes me love you. Maybe it's how you always ask me about my day or the way you tolerate my endless stream of irrelevant questions. Maybe it's the way you never brag, always compliment me when I'm feeling low, or how you look at me like I'm special to you.
I guess I'll never know what really made me love you so much. Was it the texts back-and-forth until two a.m.? Was it the pool parties and passing each other notes in the halls? Or was it the spontaneous study sessions and constant bickering?
You know what? I think I do know!
It was the first day we met. A group of my friends and I approached you and asked you to film a video for us. You agreed and I handed you the phone, as I laughed saying, "You're stuck with us now. You know half of these girls are way into you, right?"
You held my hand a second too long and looked at me, I mean really looked at me. Your neutral expression broke into a devious smile as you said, "I'm sorry to say, I'll be breaking quite a few hearts."
I remember laughing and asking you, "And why is that?"
To which you replied with the single sentence that changed the next four years of my life. The sentence that lead to our hilarious friendship, my confusing crush, and this letter. You said, "Because the only girl I'm seeing right now, is you."
--- MissRead21
