True Stories-Thea's Struggles

From Tuesday's 21st August 2018 photoshoot with AntoineCalvin/@Trini_explorer
This is my story..its a bit embarrassing so😅just..read..also please like and share.
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Growing up I've always had low self esteem, i also suffer from depression, anxiety, heatstrocks, eating disorders a little memory lose here and there and social anxiety "very bad social anxiety lol"
Growing up as a little girls i was always told stories about how my father didn't want me because i was "To black to be his child" growing up with people pushing things like that into your head..can really mess with your mentality..so over the years i guess you can say i kind developed a little dislike for my birth father..
I remember being 6 when i first heard those words, those words that still stuck with me, those those words that today shouldn't effect me but still do..stupid nicknames such as "blacky, black cobo" those are the ones i can recently remember because even to this day, I'm still called by those names.
Growing up around this made me lose confidence in myself even more, i wouldn't eat i'd hate to be out in the sun, I'd wish so much to be lighter like everyone else I'd wish that over night my skin completion would change, I'd even hate to be seen by anyone, including family..i know that at 19 i should love myself that "words shouldn't hurt me" but they do..
So I've come up with ways to battle everything..
For my low self esteem..i do photoshoots..i have so many scars on my body that I'm so ashamed of but..it actually helps.
For my eating disorder, i try to eat as much as i can even if if can't stomach anymore. This actually helps a little i still have a long way to go lol.
For my Anxiety..well i try not to think to much about things i know I'll just end up stressing myself out with.
For my depression..i try to smile..even if its a fake smile even if i have to force it..even if I'm dying inside i smile..smile thru the pain like a crazy person..i do my best to.stay happy and positive all the time only focusing on the good things and not the bad "this is extremely hard"
For my social anxiety...i do my best to go out more often do im in promotions..nothing big tbh, its so scary i just want to be isolated i just want to go home and never leave the room, but..it helps because I'm actually coming out of my shell..a little lol.
For my memory loss i make notes video clips of myself or little memory notes on my phone, to help me remember.
There's still so much more that i have inside but that's all that i want to talk about..
I'm no way NEAR the person that i want to be but i hope i actually really do hope that my little notes can help someone struggling with these things or that have been thru that bullshit or are still going thru it. Trust me it only gets worse you just need to always keep ahead never give up one day you'll make it and that's what i believe..I'm not perfect at all in no way am i perfect.
And i don't care to be.
Let the mean comments begin😊
(P.S this is the truth I'm too old to be telling lies, i did not do this for likes i actually did this because one day the world will know my story)
(Im sorry if i made any spelling errors)