The moment where my life truly started...

Part 4- Jealousy is my best friend now

I saw them together. I felt my blood boiling from my toes to the top of my head. I thought if it was love if she so easily said good bye? I stood there thinking about this question the whole day. I stood there and thought if this was the motive she said our love is impossible. I felt my heart broken into millions of small pieces, but the tears were too shy to come out in that moment. I felt so much pain inside, after I put all my heart into her hands, after I put all my trust in her, after I thought no one could ever make me happier than she made me, after all my wishes, after all... I started with the fact in my head "distance means so little when someone means so much" and I got here, but now I realize that didn't make me happier or, at least, happy.

As I was broke and I had no money, I could not sleep at the hotel anymore so I went where me and Mia first met... the shopping center. I found an old, broken couch there where I finally lay in my head down and sleep. My bones were trembling inside because it was winter and it was really cold. Yeah, so the other night was really hard for me.

As the sun comes out now, I'd better be gone before someone sees me. In that moment I turned my head around and I saw someone... it was Jimin. I was really confused about what is he doing here. He was supposed to be at concert with BTS, what is he doing here? I went on his way, making it look accidental.

Me: *really curious* Hello Jimin! How you feeling fam? What you doing in Australia now?

Jimin: *really hesitant* Ahmm, I just came to visit someone.

Me: *suspicious* Hmm, someone? Someone like who?

Jimin: Ahmm, an old friend.

While I was talking with him, someone got closer to us slowly. It was Mia. She came to Jimin.

Me: An old friend, huh?

Jimin: *embarrassed* Yeah...

Mia: *really confused* What are you two on about?

Me: Oh, I just met Jimin and I asked him what is he doing in Australia and he told me he came to visit an old friend. Now it's obvious, you're a really old friend, ain't you?

Mia: Ahmm, I'm not...

Jimin: In fact we aren't even friends... we are dating! Aren't you happy for us?

Me: *In my head* That's why she said we are impossible I understand now... *speaks loudly* Yeah, I'm really happy.

Mia: *with disappointment and sadness* Yeah, we are happy...

Her mouth was saying something, but her eyes didn't say the same thing. I could tell something is wrong with her. I could feel she is not happy with this guy, my heart was screaming that inside. Outside, I decided to play Jimin's game so I could find out what's really going on with him and her.

*Jimin kisses Mia on the lips*

Jimin: I love you, baby!

Mia: *hesitantly* I do too!

Pressure on my brain. As I told, I feel for her something I didn't feel for anyone in my life. It was really hard for me to watch that. I wanted to get my eyes out of my head and throw them away. I felt my fingers itching for a punch in his face but I pinched myself to distract and relax myself so I calmed down a bit. But oh man, I would have smacked him so he could go to hospital for free.

After really awkward moments, we are just hanging around for a bit. We got to that place them two first met and they are really emotional (mostly Jimin). I got emotional as well. Obviously, not because them two met, it's because that place at that moment made Mia really happy and gave me a feeling that is just unique and you can't get it from no one, unless the person you love the most. I was nostalgic as well, I don't think I will feel that ever again in my life from anyone else...

I hate this feeling of hate. Hate and pain are some consequences of love. Love is like that person who's sweet and cute just at the appearance; just outside. When you turn around, love will hit you with its most powerful weapons: depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, pain, hate and of course that feeling of "why am I not good enough for you?". See, dear human, how you act like a bear. He loves honey, but what about the bees? This happens exactly the same with people... we know it's going to hurt, we know dark thoughts are going to chase us, we know we are going to drawn in our tears but we still want it. Why? Is that good part too sweet to cancel the bitter one? Is that thought that says "it's going to be fine, don't worry" that keeps your hope untouched by the reality? Is it the head that knocks out the brain when it comes to love? Are all of them fighting against us? I don't really know... I have no clue. All I know is that they win each time. That's why I gave up, I gave up on fighting with them, I gave up as my self confidence went down, I just left it for other people. Soon, this triplet will make me end all... After all, suicide is a solution, not the best but it exists.

*Me as a writer, I want to make readers understand what I am going through. These days people have a bigger power and influence than they think. That simple "you're ugly" can make a person to think like that, like a depressed soul, and this all can be the start of an almost incurable disease. If this doesn't go that far, the person called many things becomes really insecure and still feels pain. Think before you say something! That's exactly what is going on with love as well. If you make a person to think you love him or her, make sure it is true and real. Make sure you feel what you say! Make sure you ain't joking about this stuff. These simple things can make a person to end its life. Do you really want that? Do you really want to feel like you killed someone? There are just a few steps: depression and anxiety, crying, isolating from all people, self-harm and finally, suicide. Think about what you say! Think about how you say it! Think about other's feelings, don't be egoist and selfish!

Me, Mia and Jimin walk again. Barely controlling myself. We stop in front of a shop.

Jimin: I'm going to get some drinks. What do you want?

Me: Diet Coke. *cos I'm a fat ugly bitch*

Mia: Orange juice, please.

Jimin: Okay, I'll be back in a minute. *looks at Mia with a dominant figure* Be careful, okay?

Mia: Yeah, we will.

*Jimin enters the shop*

Mia:*quietly and quickly* Help me please!!

Me: *really scared* What? What happened?

Mia: This guy, this guy happened. After you left, he came to me and we met. We hanged around a few times and stuff and he thought we are more than friends and he started kissing me and touching me. And I told him what the hell is he doing, and he forces me to be with him in a relationship. Watch, he's looking at us... pretend you're laughing as I told you a joke.

Me:*totally devastated, faking a laugh* How? What? I knew it was something wrong with you two...

Mia: Just act normal. Play his game until you find a way to help me.

Me: I promise I will help you!

As Jimin comes back, a frightening silence is between me and Mia. I always knew it was something wrong with her. I knew she didn't feel okay. My heart was hurting and it was right. It told me from the start this guy wasn't making her happy. He is dangerous. I'll have to act cool with him until I find out his weak point. At least I knew she wasn't in love with him and gives me a chance. Finally, I enjoy life for a second, I feel good. The biggest question is... how am I gfoing to get rid of this guy?