Since second grade | e.d

2

As we pulled up to the house I could feel my heart beating faster. Not only feel, I could hear it. It was like a a loud banging against my chest and it was starting to hurt.

"Relax  Jen, it's gonna be fine"

I could feel Maggies hand on my thigh. 

I shot her a small smile filled with stress and fear.

I've never been to a party. At least not one like this. Everyone's been in a birthday party as a kid, but a party like this? Drunk bodies stumbling around, constantly shouting and falling. No, that's not me.

Is it that wierd that it scares me? It's new and I don't know what can happen. Everyone's read all the horrible things that happens at parties, but is every single party like that?

"Just don't leave me okay?" I looked over at Maggie with fear clearly spread across my face.

I've never been this nervous in my life...well that's not entirely true.

"I won't okay?" she looked at me serious now. "I promise"

I nodded my head and looked straight ahead. 

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As we aproach the house, the music got louder and louder. I swear I could feel the ground shaking.

The smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies ran up my nose as we stepped on the grass in front of the house.

I thought my heart couldn't beat faster, but thats where I was wrong.

As we walked up to the house. The one and only, Ethan Dolan was sat on the doorstep - a drink in one hand and his phone in the other.

Fuck.

I didn't know my reflecses where that fast but in under 0.5 seconds I was on my way around.

"JEN!!! JEN C'MON"

I could here Maggie shouting after me.

I stopped when I reached the end of the lawn.

Oh my god Jen. Seriously? You're gonna be that girl. The one that walks away the moment she sees her crush?

I could basically feel the little red devil on my shoulder telling me how much of a pussy I was.

"Jen are you okay? What's going on?" Maggie came up behind me. You could tell she was worried.

"The doorstep...he's sat at the doorstep" my breath was shaky and you could clearly hear it in my voice when I spoke.

"What? Who?" she asked as she turned around to face the doorsteps. "Ohhhh"

"Yeah" I breathed out.

"Girl. Listen to me now. You've had a crush on this guy since second grade and you have been doing fine all up until now. What's changed? What's the worst thing that can happen?"

She's right. It's been so many years and I have been able to act normal around him for such a long time. So why did it change?

"You know what? Your're right. I'm not gonna have my crush on him ruin my night. I'm just gonna try and ignore him and have fun" I smiled back at her with confidence.

"That's my girl"

As we walked towards the front door, I tried to avoid any eye contact whatsoever with him.

I did not want his sparkly brown eyes convince me into not doing this.

This time was different from the last time. Now when we walked up to the door, I didn't feel scared. I didn't want to turn back. But I did want him to look at me.

I had this sudden confidence flow through me. Something I've never had before.

I'm kinda digging it.

I walked up the stairs to the front door - passing Ethan with attitude. Not in a rude way, but in a confident way.

That guy is devioulish. Not mean, but he's seductive, hot and can get any girl just by his looks, and he knows it.

"Ethan" I said to him, strutting up the stairs - not looking at him.

I could feel his eyes on me from behind as I walked through the front door.

It was like everything stopped...

Let me rephrase.

Everything and everyone stopped.

All eyes were on me as I entered the crowd of people.

"What is everyone looking at" I turned to Maggie.

She was hesitant and in shock as well.

"I think they're looking at you" she whispered back as she looked around.

"But why?"

I could feel my heart beating rapidly and the anxiety taking over. This is why I don't come to parties, I'm not good with big crowds.

"I have no idea" she dragged out the o in no.

I could see girls whispering and guys staring.

You know what. Fuck it.

"WHAT'S EVERYONE LOOKING AT? LET'S PARTY" I yelled out as I threw my hands up in the air.

At first everyone stood quiet, not knowing what to do. Then after like three seconds everyone went wild again and the music was so much louder than before.

Hmm, maybe this isn't so bad after all I thought to myself.

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EDITED

Wohooo second chapter is up.

I'm sorry it took so long. School is A LOT.

I actually just finished this while on the tram to the hospital haha!

Come to my Instagram live later on tonight to find out why.

LOVE YOU GUYS xxx - o