Coincidentally Fond

His Mind

"Hyung let's take a rest for a while~" I whine to kiseok hyung that still standing behind me monitoring his voice that just recorded. This whole week we prepared some beats and songs for Show Me the Money. Actually we haven't start recording for the show but as you know, inspiration doesn't come easily that's why we prepare it little by little.
Kiseok hyung want to show his best since he just diss the program and then agree to join as a producer. We expect many curses will come to our team. 'If you don't love me then hate me all you want' is Kiseok hyung's live motto. He believes that haters give him as much attention as fans and whether it's love or hate that's he get, at least he doesn't being ignored. I can't live as cool as Kiseok hyung.
I still don't have any confidence in my own talented since I start this path too late. Mostly, musicians start their career since young age and already show their interest in music since child. But in my case, instead of pursuing my dream as rapper and producer, I enroll to computer science major. Such a wasting time since in the end I quit and come back to pursue my dream as musician. At that time I just realize that I already 26 years old and maybe too old to become rapper and focus on producing.
"No, Sunghwa no! We need to finish this till perfect." Kiseok hyung still focus on the beat and refuse my offer to take some rest.
"But hyung, Seohwi's drama will start in no time..." I murmured to myself, disappointed that I'll miss one episode of her drama.
"What did you say?" Kiseok hyung now facing me with serious expression. Oh no, I made mistake. I shouldn't bring any non-sense talk while working with him.
"No hyung. I didn't say anything." Seohwi, sorry I can't watch your drama tonight but I promise to watch the re-run tomorrow, okay?
"Ah really? Let's take a rest later when Seohwi's drama starts." He said and gives his attention back to the monitor.
"But Hyung... Her drama already starts 5 minutes ago..." I still don't give up watching her drama. Since I can't meet her, seeing her face on screen is enough for me.
"WHAT? Are you kidding me Sunghwa? Why don't you tell me earlier? Now save all the beats and take a rest. My Seohwi already waiting." He runs off from studio and switched on TV in lobby. This is why I love working with Kiseok hyung. He'll never neglect Seohwi's drama lol. I save all beats that we're working on and join him that already sit peacefully in front of TV.
For the past weeks, Kiseok hyung and I become Seohwi number one fans. We watched her drama together; searching for BTS of her drama; and giggling like fanboy with every comment that Seohwi made in interviews. We even buy all snacks that have Seohwi face on its cover. She got so many CF lately like ramyun, chocolate, fried chicken, and some other snack. She also becomes a cover for famous magazine. I remember when Ugly Duck come in to my studio showing off a magazine with Seohwi's face on the cover, I almost push him down to snatch the magazine. Jay also protests when I suddenly change the TV channel to Seohwi drama while he's watching his favorite b-boy program.
Actually they already familiar with Kiseok hyung that always love korean weekly drama. Usually I'll join them to tease Kiseok hyung with his fan boying attitude and make him upset. But this is my first time gang up with Kiseok hyung and fan boying over Seohwi.

Kiseok hyung can't come to studio today because he has an appointment with his doctor. Nothing serious, just regular checkup over his left eye. So I'm working on unfinished beats alone until my iPhone buzzing with incoming call.
"Hello?"
"Hyung this is Loco"
"I know. I save your number, stupid. What happened?"
"Ah you're right! haha... nothing happened hyung, Umm... I'm with Crush right now and we'll get dinner at Hongdae. I heard you're alone in office now, so I just want to ask you to join us... maybe if you don't mind... bu...but! If you are busy, it's okay hyung. I won't force you. Just don't forget your dinner..."
"So you want me to come or no?"
"Ne? Of course!"
"Then I'll come in 15 minutes."
"Okay hyung, we'll wait for you"
Loco and his stuttering always amused me. He looks so innocent when sober but no one will believe how crazy he is when drunk. He even hurt himself when drunk in college days. We have to take care of him and bring him to hospital. Even sometimes I get strict to him, but I truly care for him. I love him as my own brother since we're in same crew from beginning, VVD crew. He often cried when drunk and throws his curses at me because I put too much pressure on him. When he makes a deadline for his song, he becomes lazy and just playing around. I can't help but nagging at him. He'll immediately work on his song but I know he keeps his grudge and blow it up when drunk. I never upset because it's his only way to release his stress. Just like brothers, even he upset he's still care about me and I'm thankful for that.
I take my car key and heading to Hongdae. Hongdae is my second home since I spent my colleges days there, same goes with Loco. It's always crowded but today is more than usual. I'm just 20 meters from the restaurant where Loco waiting but my car can't move because it's too crowded. After waiting for 30 minutes and it's still stuck I decide to park it there and walking to the restaurant.
I have to sneak out from crowded to go there. I think there's an event that makes everyone gathered like this. I come to restaurant late and there's Loco and Crush that already waiting.
"Sorry, traffic. There's so crowded, so I just park my car and walking." I take a seat beside Loco and start choosing from menu list.
"It's okay hyung we also just arrived because of that." Crush said while taking a sip of his juice.
"Is there any event? Festival? Idol?" I asked out of curiosity.
"No hyung it was Seohwi's fan sign. I thought you are late because you're lining up there with the crowded." Loco poking fun of me since he knows very well that I'm Seohwi's fan.
Ah... it's Seohwi fan sign event. Her popularity is no joke right now. Out of so many people there, will she looking at me? Will she still recognize me? Even when she looking at my direction, maybe she won't find me. I'm only a spot in her eyes. I feel so small. Within months, unknown Seohwi that I usually met in mini market becomes an A-list celebrity. If you ask me whether I jealous of her fame right now then it's a yes. We start together, she doesn't know me and I also don't know her. But now, she's a superstar and I still remain unknown. I believe that she works hard to fulfill her dreams and it's a clue that I should work harder too.
I live like this for thirty years. The reason why I failed in my love story is only one thing and that's pride. I don't like woman that taller than me. I also don't like woman in high heels. I have so many flaws that I hide and now Seohwi is the biggest enemy of my pride. We just meters away now. I can go there and greet her. Ask how her days and become 'friend' with her. But my pride won't allow me. I'll come to her later. When I don't even have to introduce myself to her again. I hope that day will come faster.

Today is first day recording for Show Me. I'm nervous as hell right now. This is my first time being permanent cast on TV program and it's so different than being a guest. I team up with Kiseok hyung as producer from AOMG team. You don't have to doubt Kiseok hyung skill as producer. He's talented and experienced in minor and major. Another team is from illionaire team, YG team and Gil & Mad Clown team.
We are doing well until rap battle. Next is producer's stage battle where all producers perform to attract the remaining rappers and team up with us. Kiseok hyung doesn't have any featured song with me and I don't want to ruin his awesome performance so we don't perform together. I don't know that this will make our team last place. The bad things aren't stop there. During the first team battle only our team that makes mistake and don't ask me about diss battle. We are ruined. Being last place from time to time makes me think. As their producer I should be blamed too. I'm sure that must be something lacking from me that makes our team keep losing. Now we're the only team with one rapper as survival.
At this depressed state I don't know that I'll meet her again. That night at Louis Vuitton party I saw her. She's so pretty with dark blue dress that hugs her curves and perfectly matched with my outfit. I really want to make her mine that night. I'm losing my mind for a second until our eyes meet. I tried to calm down. This is not situation that I've been imagine to meet her. She keeps looking at my direction. Is she recognized me?
Right behind her, DJ pumpkin waves his hand calling me. I have no choice but come to her direction. When I take a step closer to her, she formed a beautiful smile that makes my heart stopped multiple times. I'll be more than grateful if that smile is for me. But not now. She won't be happy to meet me with this state. As I passed her by, I can smell her perfume and it's driving me crazy. After greet DJ Pumpkin, I looked back again and searching for her but she's not there, she's gone. I'll make sure to look for her again later, in better situation. Even that's mean that I have to come to other side of world to meet her, I'll come. I promise.