Why I'm single

Im okay

I've gone through 18 years of my life of being single, and I now am more self aware of what is so repulsive about me. It was never my smell or the way I thought of men, its just me. When looking at all the common denominators I'm the problem, not just one part of me just me, nothing but me, the whole me, so help me. I'm starting to accept the fact that maybe my hand is the only thing that will pleasure me ever. My awareness has gained strength maybe I'll just go get a normal job where I can do normal thing and do thing that normal people do. (Nah) I'll just sit around thinking about Carlos and play ps4. Will someone please date me, I'm not that bad.