I'm Fine

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I walked through the hallway the normal chatter and laughing that I had gotten used to enveloped my mind and senses. I clutched tightly onto my books going to my last period. At least it was my favorite well, the only one I excelled at. I walked into the classroom already feeling people behind me waiting to go inside. I took a deep breath as I walked inside to my seat. Of course, instead of sitting in the back I was seated nearby the front. I paid attention during class jotting down notes like they had told us to do. After our independent work was over the teachers called us into our groups for class work. As always I had already done my share of the work and was left off to daydream about whatever came to mind.

I heard the ear-piercing loud bell ring throughout the school the once quiet classroom became loud and enveloped with chatter and gossip. I reached into my pocket and raised the volume with my headphones on trying to tune out the noise to the best of my ability. I sighed as I tried to navigate through the busy hallway people shoving and pushing some students running and tripping others chasing after their friends.

I went over to my locker 46 then to the right 11 and I closed my eyes wishing quickly 0. I opened my locker everything started flowing out again. I ignored it or at least tried to. I left school my headphones still blaring music as I tried to distract myself. I walked past the street and past the normal art supply store that always glared and in a way laughed at me. I finally got home and tossed my turquoise backpack with random dark blue swirls on it. As it emitted a loud thump from the couch I sighed.

I knew the response I would have but I just went to my room and closed the door.

(music starts just keep on restarting if you want)

That's how my day might have seemed to my teachers "grown-ups" who have experienced many things give me a break. I slumped behind my door and cried. I checked my phone tears still slightly dripping onto my phone despite the fact I tried to not let them flow as my eyes stung and burned. My mom would come home in an hour just an hour and I would have to be me again. 

I started to remember what actually happened not letting it all stay in the back of my conscious.

                                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Emily! Hurry up and do your fair share of the work!" I heard a partially popular girl yell at me in our group as I sighed but immediately stopped not wanting to make the situation worse. "Yes, Jennasa. I already finished our work." She then cleared her throat glaring at me. I had to quickly think of a way to make this situation die down. I put on my smile. "Thanks so much, Jennasa for helping me with my share of the work and doing yours as well!" I glanced at her smiling and grinning that I said that while the teacher was nearby as she went into who she was. "No problem Emily glad I could help!" 

I looked at the table next to us. There she was. She was working hard as always. Completely focused on her work, she started to look up from her paper and I started to look at mine. The bell rang and I got up from my desk. I went to my locker and out came all the stuff jammed inside for little old me. 

Papers on papers and all with words I didn't want to look at. The voices came out again. why would any of them be from her Emily? You know you aren't good enough for her. She's high tier you're not. Know your place keep your place. You know where the rope is. You know what will truly be the best for everyone. 

I raised the volume in my headphones. Becoming a snake in the water trying to get past the vicious rapids trying to keep low. Nice try.

I walked home the tears already feeling like they would push through my music trying to comfort me but even that was starting to be tuned out leaving me alone. I knew I was already near my house near the rope when I saw the art store. Kids inside way younger then me being excited about art and what they could use. I gave an exhausted smile my eyes started burning. This reminds me of myself in a bitter way wonder how they feel.

I started to run to my house only a minute from there. My sneakers thumping from the sidewalk pavement almost clicking back into the music which starting slowly coming back. I went to my house another bill from the neighborhood committee. I grabbed it.

                                                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked at the paper at the bill. How long had it been again? A year since mom and dad split? Since mom became a workaholic and dad got a new girlfriend? I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I closed my eyes if only I could talk to her. I didn't even know her name yet I felt drawn to her. I tried but my anxiety came back too quickly. Would she be like me and be lesbian, Bi? Am I being dumb and she's straight? I looked up to my bed. A rope tied up and pushed up to the ceiling. I shook my head not yet just one more.

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A.N: hope you liked it!

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