It's Not That Easy

i'm scared. (pt. 1)

Do you see,
do you see me falling for you.
I know you do,
you just don't care.
Because every other girl falls for you,
i'm nothing special.

But you,
you are special for me.

You made me happy in my darkest moments,
by just smiling at me.
You gave me intense confidence,
by just looking at me.

I was the loudest one to cheer,
even though i'm nothing to you,
when you scored yet another point perfectly.
I cried tears of joy with you when you won that stupid, good for nothing football match.

But,
you never cared.
But I did, i still do.

Sad thing is,
you knew.
You knew everything.
You knew every emotion i was going through,
for you.
You knew how much i cried,
for you,
every night.

I have nothing left of you.
Your used bandages, your used notebooks, your used soccer ball, your used comb.

I have no memory left of you.
Your smile, your laugh, your voice, your face when you hated cafeteria food, your touch when you held my hand when you congratulated me.

I don't have anything of you
and,
i never did.

But we all are still humans,
i still cannot erase you from my memories.
I cannot not hear your voice every fucking time I think of you.

And, i hate myself for that.

But,
i can't seem to leave you alone,
even in my centuries old memories.
I realized that a long time ago but,
i was scared.
I was scared to admit it,
scared to admit to myself.

But, i'm not afraid of what you did to me in the past,
i'm scared what's going to happen when i think of you in the future.

I'm just so scared.