It's Not That Easy

i'm scared (pt. 2)

I see you everyday,
with that bright smile of yours.
Looking my way.
They scare me,
my feelings i mean,
i'm scared of my feelings.
My feelings for you.

I've been anxious to talk to you.
To say that simple,
two lettered word.

'hi'
But, i never gained the courage.

This 'thing' i have for you,
is deadly.
Deadly enough to ruin,
ruin the both of us.
Completely.
Because i'm not good enough,
i never was,
i never will be.
My heart tells me to give it a try,
give us a chance,
of being together.
But i know who i truly am,
and i want no one to know.
I don't want you to know.

I come out as i don't care,
but deep down,
when i see you with the other people,
my heart shatters at the sight.

I play around with other girls,
to make you jealous.

I know you're not like me,
i know you never were.
But then again,
it's always hard to admit the truth.

A girl fell in love with me,
i know she did.
I don't seem to care about that because,
my heart is somewhere else.
It's with you,
it's always been with you.
I can't find myself to think about not loving you.
It's just too painful,
to even think about it.

I keep falling for you,
helplessly and hopelessly.
For me to think that,
you're going to be someone else's,
makes me teary eyed.

You don't know how much i've cried for you.
You don't know how much i've pretended to care just to get your attention.
You don't know how much i've tried to make you look at me differently,
make you look at me and think,
"it's worth the risk"

To live like this,
with you on my mind all the time,
is not easy.
It never will be.

But to tell you that i,
a boy,
am madly in love with you,
who's a boy,
is not easy.
It never will be.

xoxo,
riya♡