The Game Where Everyone Dies - A Parody

Chapter 1

I wake up on a sack of flour. 

How I got there? Well, last night, I was partying hard. I had crashed in my families bakery when I got back from the party at 2:00am.

I hear a loud screech, similar to that of a screeching banshee. I abruptly sit up to be met with the cold, hard stare of Jellyfork. 

Suddenly, Jellyfork jumps into my arms and starts cuddling me.

"Aaah! Get off" Are you trying to kill me?! You stupid cat! Go!" I yelled. Jelly paws at me and screeches. I pick up Jellyfork and throw him at the wall on the other side of the room.

I hear someone walk in I look behind me and see Puckrose, my younger sister, looking at me with anger. "How dare you throw my cat! You stupid hoe! Only I do that! " She screamed.

Oops. I probably shouldn't have thrown the cat. Puck always has these terrible fits, where she yells and pulls at my hair.

"I'm sorry Puck! I didn't mean to throw Jelly!" I say, cowering into the corner of the kitchen.

Puck's eyes flash dangerously and she lunges at me faster then I could scream 'Help me!!!'. She yanks at my hair, pulling out the few strands that could become potential weave. She cursed at me in 3 different languages: Japanese, Italian, and French. 

Yeah. Puck is a total know it all behind that bad girl facade. 

 "Avale mes couilles grosse pute!" She yells, slapping me hard across the face. "Jiguko e ike kono ama! Brutto Figlio di puttana bastardo!"

After at least thirty minutes, of her foreign rants at me, she gets up, grabs Jellyfork and storms out.

I get up from the floor, straightening out my ripped clothes.

I walk to our tent and and avoid Puck. I change my clothes really fast and duck out of the tent. Ignoring, Puck's cold stare, as Jellyfork scratches her face. She's so lucky that the cat doesn't try to kill her. He just makes her bleed, like a good little cat.

I walk/run to the woods that surround the Dream. The name of our town is quite ironic. It should be named Nightmare. Honestly, who wants to live in a town where you feed off Squirrel poop and dirty water? 

I approach the electric fence. They put it up when a few kids ran into the forest one day and were attacked by wild bears. 

I'm going into the forest to go see my BFGF(Big, Fat, gay friend. Literally), Kale. 

He's been friends with me since Kindergarten. And for as long as I can remember, he's always been fat and gay. 

I enter the forest, slipping through the giant hole, that Kale made when he first  entered the woods. Seeing as the hole has become even larger, I know that Kale is already in there waiting for me. 

The hole gets larger everyday because, so does Kale. He's almost the size of a truck. Not kidding.

I head to a clearing in the middle of the woods, and I walk straight into Kale. 

He's hunched over something and when he looks up, I see that's it's a mountain lion.

That's why I come here with him. Because his fatness repels the dangerous animals. 

"Katnipp! Gurrrrl! How you doin'?" He gushes, in his usual ghetto-girl slang.

"Hey Kale." I say. 

 He picks me up and smushes me into him. I almost get stuck in one of his lumpy folds.

 "Can't. . . breathe. . " I choke out, almost suffocating, against him.

He drops me. 

"So. Gurl. I have some real bad news. It ain't even funny." He says, his unibrow pulling together.

"Yeah? What is it? You failed your diet again?" I asked him.

He swatts my arm, sending me flying across the clearing.

"'Corurse not gurl. Thats ratchet. I'm actually going to Fat Camp. My momma was all, 'Kale. Get your fatself up here. You goin ta Fat Camp!'. So, gurl, now. i gotta go to there. And I was like so angry. This is so bogus." He says.

"Aww. It's okay, Kale." I say, rubbing his back. My hand almost gets stuck in a fold, but I yank it out before it can get enveloped.

"I'm leaving in 5 minutes." He says, pouting his giant lips.

"Well. Good thing is you miss the Reaming." I tell him. The Reaming is when they pick the children for the Game Where Everyone Dies. It's important you attend. Well, unless your fat and have to go to Fat Camp.

His beady black eyes, light up for a moment ( They actually turn yellow). But, then they dim.

"But, gurrl. I wanna see this years people!" He whines.

"It's okay. Always next time." I say, reaching to pat his back, but thinking better of it.

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Sorry, It's not much. But, whatever.

Deal with it. ;P

Anyways. I hope you enjoyed and are dying for the next chapter.

We will try update soon.

Peace.

InsaneMinds.